by eucman

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday, December 20, 2011.  The Christmas diet song…… 
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips. Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there. Christmas Santa While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps had just settled down to sugar-borne naps. When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash tore open the icebox then threw up the sash. The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
When what to my wandering eyes should appear: a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer! That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick I knew in a second that I’d wind up sick.
The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear; On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.
From the top of the scales to the top of the hall now dash away pounds now dash away all. Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress my clothes were all bulging from too much excess.
My droll little mouth and my round little belly they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly. I spoke not a word but went straight to my work ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.
And laying a finger beside my heartburn I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned. I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry if temptation’s removed I’ll get thin by and by.
And I mumbled again as I turned for the night in the morning I’ll starve . . . ’til I take that first bite.   That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

QUOTES OF THE DAY….

“Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something which you’d like to have dinner with.” -Anonymous woman
On duty as a customer-service rep for a car-rental company, I took a call from a driver who needed a tow. He was stranded on a busy highway, but he didn’t know the make of the car he was driving. I asked again for a more detailed description beyond a “blue, four-door sedan.” “It’s the one on fire,” he replied.
“My ten year old daughter asked me what a colon was and I explained that it was a part of the body that food goes through before being eliminated. Then she asked me what a semicolon was and I told her that it was a colon the size of a truck with eighteen wheels.”

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F….

 My aunt’s young family with two boys ages 3 and 4, had attended church one spring morning. As they left the church the pastor said, “Well, look at you boys, all bright eyed and bushy tailed!” Joe the older boy loudly announced, “We don’t got tails; we got Dinkys!” My aunt was mortified.

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? Person 1: “Hold on, how do I cross the border? I never took survival training.” Person 2: “Consider this your course.” Person 3: “Kinda pass/fail, which I always thought was easier.” Answer: Sahara. This 2005 film, an adaptation of Clive Cussler’s best-selling novel, did semi-well at the box office, but the overall gross was barely enough to cover the cost of the movie. Matthew McConaughey stars as Dirk Pitt, and Steve Zahn co-stars as Al Giordino, two marine engineers who go looking for a famed “Ship of Death”, thought to be the Civil War ironclad C.S.S. Texas, which somehow floated across the Atlantic Ocean and into Mali. Along the way, they join up with Penelope Cruz, a World Health Organization worker investigating the source of an illness that has spread throughout Africa. This discussion is between Rudi Gunn (Rainn Wilson) (Person 1), a third but less important engineer, Dirk (Person 2), and Al (Person 3), where they discuss how Rudi is going to get back to the U.S. from war-torn Mali, to warn his superior officer, Admiral Sandecker (William H. Macy), of the impending pandemic.

Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “Badgers? Badgers?! We don’t need no stinkin’ badgers!”

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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “What Dreams Are Made Of”? Answer: Hillary Duff. “What Dreams Are Made Of” is on “The Lizzie McGuire Movie Soundtrack”.

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.“Here We Go Again”?

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Monday’s Quizzlers is……….

Unscramble the words below, then take the letters from each word as instructed to form another word that is the answer to this teaser: DOD Take letter 1 ONRUM Take letters 1,2 & 5 CROSITH Take letters 1,2 & 3 ERVNE Take letters 1,2 Unscramble the letters you collected… what do you get?
ANSWER:  DOD Take letter 1 – ODD, take O ONRUM Take letters 1,2 & 5 – MOURN, take M,O,N CROSITH Take letters 1,2 & 3 – OSTRICH, take OST ERVNE Take letters 1,2 – NEVER, take N,E
Unscramble the above to get ‘Moonstone’. The Moonstone is known because of the way it catches the light and gives out a mystical gleam. The way the light appears changes as you change the position of the moonstone. In ancient times, these changes to the glowing gem was associated with the waxing and waning of the moon. Moonstone is the perfect choice for soft, sensuous, feminine jewellery because of its beautiful glow. In different cultures, the moonstone represents various things. In India, it is believed to bring sweet dreams. In Arab countries, it is a symbol of fertility. It is also believed to enhance feelings of intuition and sensitivity.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is………..
Before I came, confusion abounded. I’m late, I’m late was frequently sounded.
I’m not average, but was based on a mean. My size, in theory, is constant: fifteen.
I’m two dozen steps, again in theory. But walk my length and you’d get weary.
I take half and quarter steps at times. In reality, I don’t follow the lines.
I shrink to nothing in two cold extremes. Over a thousand miles wide in the betweens.
What am I?
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Answers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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