by eucman

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday, December 21, 2011.  ‘Twas the Night After Christmas ……  

‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy. Christmas Present The kids they weren’t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives. My wife couldn’t argue and neither could I, so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried. When out in the yard the dog started barkin’, I stood up and looked and I saw Sheriff Larkin. He yelled, “Roy I am sworn to uphold the laws and I got a complaint here from a feller named Claus.”  I said, “Claus, I don’t know nobody named Claus, and you ain’t taking me in without probable cause.” Then the Sheriff he said, “The man was shot at last night.” I said, “That might have been me, just what’s he look like.”  The Sheriff replied, “Well he’s a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly, that shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly. He sports a long beard, and a nose like a cherry.” I said, “Sheriff that sounds like my wife’s sister Sherri.”  “It’s no time for jokes Roy” the Sheriff he said. “The man I’m describing in dressed all in red. I’m here for the truth now, it’s time to come clean. Tell me what you’ve done, tell me what you’ve seen.” Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell, it wouldn’t have been the first time that I’ve spent New Years in jail. I said, “Sheriff it happened last night about ten, and I thought that my wife had been drinking again.” When she walked in from work she was as white as a ghost. I thought maybe she had seen one of them UFO’s. But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head, and stopped on the roof of our good neighbour Red. Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder, a freezer full of venison standing right on Red’s gutter. Well my hands were a shakin’ as I grabbed my gun, when outta Red’s chimney this feller did run. And slung on his back was this bag over flowin’. I thought he stolen Red’s stuff while old Red was out bowling’. So I yelled, “Drop fat boy, hands in the air!” But he went about his business like he hadn’t a care.
So I popped a warning shot over his head. Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled. And as he flew off I heard him extort, “That’s assault with intent Roy, I’ll see ya in court.”   That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! QUOTES OF THE DAY….

“The great tragedy of Science – the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact.” – Thomas H. Huxley
“The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.” – John Kenneth Galbraith
“Personally I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.” – Sir Winston Churchill
G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F…. Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned: “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!”

_____________________________________________________________________

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “Badgers? Badgers?! We don’t need no stinkin’ badgers!”Answer: UHF.  “Weird Al” Yankovic stars as George Newman, an unemployed schmuck who acquires a television station (Channel 62) from his uncle Harvey (played by Stanley Brock), who won it in a poker game. With the help of Stanley Spadowski (Michael Richards), George makes Channel 62 the most popular channel on television. However, he soon faces competition from R. J. Fletcher, the head of Channel 8, which had, until now, been the most-watched channel on television. This quote is said by Raul, played by Trinidad Silva, after receiving a shipment of animals for his show on Channel 62, “Raul’s Wild Kingdom”. This quote is a parody of a famous quote from the 1948 film “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre”, which, incidentally, was reused for the 1974 comedy “Blazing Saddles” as a take-off of “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre”.

Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? “We’re a long line of Athols.”

TODAY’S TRIVIA MASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MR. STEVE SCHICK! GREAT MOVIE SOLVING STEVE!

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Here We Go Again”? Answer:  Demi Lovato. “Here We Go Again” is on the album “Here We Go Again”.

Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.“Potential Breakup Song”?

TODAY’S SONG DEFINTIONS MASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MR. STEVE SCHICK! SUPER SONG DEFINING JOB STEVE!

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Tuesday’s Quizzlers is……….

 

Before I came, confusion abounded. I’m late, I’m late was frequently sounded. I’m not average, but was based on a mean. My size, in theory, is constant: fifteen. I’m two dozen steps, again in theory. But walk my length and you’d get weary. I take half and quarter steps at times. In reality, I don’t follow the lines. I shrink to nothing in two cold extremes.Over a thousand miles wide in the betweens. What am I?
ANSWER:   Time zones.  Before the invention of standard time zones, each city or region could have its own local time. This became increasingly awkward as railways and telecommunications improved.  Originally, time zones based their time on Greenwich Mean Time (GMT). Mean solar time is defined by the rotation of the Earth, which is not constant in rate. Starting January 1, 1972, a new system was used, Coordinated Universal Time (UTC), which used a fixed rate and added leap seconds when necessary to compensate for variations in the rotation of the Earth.  In theory, there are 24 time zones, making each a constant 15 degrees of longitude apart. A time zone varies in width from zero miles at both poles to over 1000 miles at the equator.  In reality, there are about 40 time zones, and the border between time zones is irregular, following political or geographical boundaries. The island of Newfoundland, India, and parts of Australia use half-hour deviations from standard time, and some nations use quarter-hour deviations. Canada’s Sir Sandford Fleming first proposed time zones for the entire world in 1876. Most major countries had adopted hourly time zones by 1929.

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is………..
An anagram is a word or phrase formed by rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. For example, rearrange “none” to get “neon”.
It is not considered an anagram if you exchange a letter with the same letter. For example, switching the n’s with each other in “noun” does not give an anagram. Even though a word is not considered an anagram of itself, your task is to find a word that is an anagram of itself. If you can do the seemingly impossible once, you might as well find a second word that is an anagram of itself.
HATS OFF TO OUR RESIDENT GENUIS OF THE DAY, MR. STEVE SCHICK HAS SOLVED ALL OF TUESDAY QUESTIONS OF THE DAY! STEVE YOU ARE THE MAN! 
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Answers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: www.slampi.org. ww.hopeBUILD.org. www.Eucmaninc.net. www.wcscatering.com., www.Beaumont77.com., www.schoons.com., www.awj-law.com., http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/., http://cleancomedyguy.com/http://www.simplycake.biz/

Leave a comment