by eucman

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday, January 3, 2012. Ten Things A Cat Thinks About …..  1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
2. Is there something I’m not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
3. Why doesn’t the government do something about dogs?
4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?
5. Hmmm… If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can’t we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us?
6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.
7. Hey — no kidding, I’m sure that’s the can opener.
8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn’t given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?
9. If there’s a God, how can He allow neutering?
10. If that really was the can opener, I’ll play finicky just to let THEM know who’s boss!          That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

  QUOTES OF THE DAY….

“We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.” – Dennis Miller
“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.” – Mark Twain
“Life is a long lesson in humility.” – James M. Barrie
 
“If there is a government shutdown, 800,000 nonessential federal employees will be suspended. You know, maybe that’s our budget problem right there. We have 800,000 nonessential federal employees.” -Jay Leno
“According to a new survey, 75 percent of employees would rather get a cash bonus than spend time with coworkers at a holiday party. All I can say to my staff is, ‘See you at the holiday party.'” -Conan O’Brien
“Researchers at the University College of London report that indoor heating makes us fat. They say cold air helps us stay thin. Unless, of course, that blast of cold air you’re getting is from constantly opening the refrigerator door.” -Jay Leno

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F…. A 17-year-old girl came home with five job applications. She carefully filled them out, and later asked her mother to look them over. All the answers were clear and concise and she noticed that on all five applications, under “Previous Employment”, she had listed “Baby-sitting”. But then she read, under “Reason for Leaving” her daughter had answered, “Parents came home.”

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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? “I think what we’ve got on our hands…is a dead shark.”Answer: Annie Hall. Woody Allen to Diane Keaton on the state of their relationship. Allen won the Best Director Oscar in 1978 for this comic masterpiece, but did not attend the ceremony. He eventually showed up in 2002 to introduce a ‘New York films’ tribute, honoring the tragic events of September 11th the previous year.

Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??“Look in your heart!”

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Monday’s Crazy Song Definitions, this quiz features popular songs from 2008/2010, try and identify which song or which artist. “Yo how ’bout you buff these Pumas for twenty cents.”

Tuesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2009/2010, try and identify which song or which artist.“I knew his life deserved a chance, but everybody told me to be smart.”

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Monday’s Quizzlers is……….

 

Find out what the animals are! (for example, “To run away or escape” could be a “flea”) 1. hair-control foam, 2. very exposed, 3. tellin’ falsities, 4. a lamenting cry, 5. a dull person 6. a precious or loved one, 7. first you get a parking ticket, then you get this, 8. these make up a chain
ANSWER: 1.Moose (Mousse), 2. Bear (Bare), 3. Lion (Lyin’), 4. Whale (Wail), 5. Boar (Bore) 6. Deer (Dear), 7. Toad (Towed), 8. Lynx (Links)
Tuesday’s Quizzler is………..
Oxymorons are words with opposite or incongruous meanings that when linked together, form a descriptive phrase.
Cryptography teasers are teasers in which a phrase or expression has been encoded in some way.
Cryptoxymorography teasers are teasers in which oxymorons are concealed in a cryptic mass of letters.
Can you decipher the oxymorons? They all use the same code.
1. oqh bohifozzm,  2. oihvsbhwq fsdzwqo,  3. por ziqy, 4. pwhhsf gkssh, 5. Qwjwz Kof
6. qckofrzm zwcb,  7. rsotsbwbu gwzsbqs,  8. rsohv psbstwhg, 9. smsg kwrs gvih,  10. sjsb crrg
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Answers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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