WELCOME to Thursday January 26,  2012.  Mother’s dictionary….

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.
Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.
Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
Verbal: Able to whine in words
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it!  Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY                                                                        

Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing – but none of them serious  – Alan Minter

“the bowler is Holding the batsmens Willey” Brian Johnston

I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted – George Best

Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country  – Ian Rush

“You watch the pitlane while I stop the start watch…”  – Murray Walker

G U A R A N T E D  T O  M A K E  Y O U  L A F F…. 

He was a mediocre conductor of a mediocre orchestra. He had been having problems with the basses; they were the least professional of his musicians. It was the last performance of the season, Beethovens 9th Symphony, which required extra effort from the basses at the end. Earlier that evening, he found the basses celebrating one of their birthdays by passing a bottle around. As he was about to cue the basses, he knocked over his music stand. The sheet music scattered. As he stood in front of his orchestra, his worst fear was realized; it was the bottom of the 9th, no score and the basses were loaded.                                                                             ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘I tried to kill myself with a lady Bic; a pink plastic razor with daisies on it and a moisturizing strip.’  Answer: Empire Records. Said by Deb (Robin Tunney) at her ‘funeral.’

Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from?? ‘I want you to hit me as hard as you can.’ _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….   (Thing 1) I, at the start, am old Many centuries I’ve been told Used by the Greeks For counting techniques After things were bought and sold Later is when I became known As an infinite figure, when shown You’ve counted my spaces Over two billion places And still, my amount is unknown (Thing 2) I, too, am not young I’m almost as old as Thing 1 I’m just a frog On the natural log But I can make counting fun (Thing 1 and Thing 2) When you combine us two In the order of Thing 1 and Thing 2 We’ll be a baked treat That’s painful to beat Whether cherry, peach, or aloo                                                        

Answer: Thing 1 is “Pi.”
Thing 2 is “e,” the base of the natural logarithm.
Thing 1 and 2 are, together, “Pie.”
(an aloo pie is a potato pie)  

Thursday’s Quizzlers is………. Removing an appendix is called an appendectomy, removing tonsils is called a tonsillectomy.  What is it called when they remove a growth from your head?                                                        

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/