WELCOME to Monday March 18, 2012. The Stella Wards.

The “Stella” awards rank up there with the Darwin awards. Stella Liebeck is  the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds. This case  inspired an annual award: The “Stella” Award – for the most frivolous lawsuits  in the U. S.

The following are this year’s candidates:

1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by  a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was  running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably  surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little brat was Ms.  Robertson’s son.

2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and  medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr.  Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car, when  he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hubcaps.

3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a  house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get  the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He  couldn’t re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage  locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr. Dickson found  himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he  found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner’s insurance  claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the  tune of half a million dollars.

4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500  and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door  neighbor’s beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced-in yard. The  award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a  little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with  a pellet gun.

5. May 2000: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of  Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her  coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her  boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

6. December 1997: Kara Alton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the  owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom  window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.  Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying  the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

And the winner is: Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In November 2000  Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. On his first  trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and  calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of  coffee. Not surprisingly, the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and overturned.  Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he  couldn’t actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie.  (Winnebago actually changed their handbooks on the back of their court case,  just in case there are any other complete morons buying their vehicles).

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you  do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the  least triviality that happens to us, and not not good enough to recollect how  often we have told it to the same person?  ~François Duc de La  Rochefoucauld

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and  coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.  ~Erma  Bombeck

I tell you this, and I tell you plain: What you have done,  you will do again; You will bite your tongue, careful or not, Upon the  already-bitten spot. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent  education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly  woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having  spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten  greatgrandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.  Instead she sat back and said, “If there’s anything you want to know, just  ask me.”  ________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘I don’t know, it’s a mystery.’

Answer: Shakespeare In Love. Tragic love story, it brought tears to my eyes.  However, it was quite funny at times. Starring Gwyneth Paltrow

(great actress),  Joseph Fiennes, Judi Dench, and Geoffry Rush. Every actor and actress mentioned  here won an Oscar for their perfomance except

Joseph Fiennes, even though he  deserved one!

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???‘Not anxious to die sir, anxious to matter.’

Friday’s Quizzler is………. Unscramble the words below, then take the letters from each word as instructed to form another word that is the answer to this teaser: LIUQA Take letters 1 & 2 PDIET Take letters 1,2 & 4 ETRSO Take letters 1 4 DONU Take letters 1; 4 Unscramble the letters you collected… what do you get?

ANSWER: LIUQA Take letters 1 & 2 – QUAIL, take Q,U PDIET Take letters 1,2 & 4 – TEPID, take T,E,I ETRSO Take letters 1 & 4 – STORE, take S,R DONU Take letters 1 & 4 – UNDO, take U,O
Unscramble the above to get ‘Turquoise’.
Turquoise is a beautiful blue gemstone known since ancient times for its beauty. Through today, it is believed to bring wealth to one who wears it. In some cultures, it is known to act as a talisman to avoid any untoward accidents or dangers in life.

Monday’s Quizzlers is……….