WELCOME to Tuesday March 27, 2012. Mad Ramblings…
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, “No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?” Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? “Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.”
Can’t we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don’t they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?
Why do they call it a “building”? It looks like they’re finished. Why isn’t it a “built”?
Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn’t that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don’t they rotate on their own?
All the king’s HORSES and all the king’s men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn’t put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?
Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too?
Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? “Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!”
Isn’t it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, “Oh, man, I can’t wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff.”
Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can’t get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can’t even get the DETERGENT white!
Did you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup holders, kiddy seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see an ad for a suit, do they say, “And look at the zipper! Carefully hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!” I think not.
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“It’s the first day of spring. That means this weekend I’ll take down my Christmas lights.” -David Letterman
“Pope Benedict will visit Mexico this weekend. Historians say he will be the first Pope ever to attend spring break.” -Jay Leno
“A man in Oregon said his snow globes started a fire after he left them in the sun for too long. Fortunately, his wife wasn’t injured because she left him when he started collecting snow globes.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year at his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Each summer, he would invite friends to come to visit him. One summer he invited a lawyer from Czechoslovakia to visit him. The friend, eager to see how a wealthy American vacationed, gratefully agreed. They had a wonderful vacation, and spent a great deal of time exploring the woods and enjoying the natural setting. One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were walking through the woods, they were approached by two huge bears — a male and a female. The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. Seeing this, the lawyer ran to his Mercedes and sped for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed a high-powered rifle and they raced back to the berry patch. Luckily, the bears were still there. “He’s in THAT one!” cried the lawyer, pointing at the bear that had consumed his friend. “Quick — shoot it. Maybe we can still save my friend!” The sheriff looked at the bears, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and shot the female. His aim was true, and the female bear collapsed to the ground. The startled male fled into the woods. “Why did you do that?” demanded the lawyer, “I said he was in the other bear!” “Exactly,” replied the sheriff. “Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the male?”
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from??? ‘That’s what they all say. But with all due respect Ma’am, I’m not the one hanging off the back of a boat.’ Answer: Titanic. Again, tragic love story with a huge historical event and action in the background. What more could you ask for in a movie? Starring Leonardo Dicaprio, Kate Winslet, Billy Zane, and Kathy Bates.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???‘I suddenly forgot how to climb a fence.’
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Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Randy liked to give his children challenging games instead of television and video games. He incorporated the use of rebus puzzles into everyday life for his kids. One day he made a rebus for them to try and decode. It was set up like this: Some items were lying all over a church. The church was burning down, and this is the fate of the items. Item one: Found near the front row pews. It was in the fire, and was lost. Item two: Found near the front door. It was also in the fire, and was lost. Item three: Found by the bell in the bell tower. Was away from the fire, and was saved. Item four: Found in the bathroom. Was surrounded by fire, and was lost. It took a while, but his children finally decoded the rebus. What is the answer?
Answer: Saved by the bell. The third item was saved, and it was by the bell.
Tuesday’s Quizzlers is……….
Note: The capitalization in the following phrases is the same as it would be in the actual title. Good Luck!
1. Realm of the Land of angels and saints
2. The Ruler over the Hoops and circlets
3. Dignity and Bias
4. Vacation in Italy’s capital
5. Artist and scientist Leonardo’s Cipher
The World According to the Eucman! 