by eucman

Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Wednesday March 28, 2012. THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 60 Years Old. 

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.  2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?” 4. No one expects you to run into a burning building. 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6. There’s nothing left to learn the hard way. 7. Things you buy now won’t wear out. 8. You can eat dinner at 4:00 p.m. 9. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations. 10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 11. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it. 12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks in the room. 14. You sing along with the elevator music. 15. Your eyes won’t get much worse. 16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. 18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either. 19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Wednesday people, and whatever you  do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY

“Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.” – Woody Allen

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow.” – Evan Esar

“Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.” – Bob Newhart

“For sale,” read the ad in our hospital’s weekly newsletter, “sleeveless wedding gown, white, size 8, veil included. Worn once, by mistake.”
When hiring new staff at the public library, I always ask applicants what sort of supervision they’d be most comfortable with. One genius answered, “I’ve always thought Superman’s X-ray vision would be cool.”

My niece was thrilled to hear that a new car wash was opening up right in her neighborhood. “How convenient,” she said. “I can walk to it!”

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A Canadian customer was calling to find out if there was a faster way to trigger menu commands than mousing up to the menus. Agent: Certainly, sir. There are keyboard shortcuts for many of those commands. For example, suppose you want to trigger the Select All command… Caller: Yes, I use that one all the time! How do I do it? Agent: Well, you just press Control-A. Caller (after a pause): Well, that’s not working for me. Agent: Do you have a text document open in front of you? Caller: Yes, I sure do. Agent: OK, now press Control-A. Caller: I am, but nothing happens. Agent: The text isn’t highlighted? Caller: No, there’s no change at all. Agent: That’s odd. If you press Control-A the whole document should be highlighted. Try it again. Press Control-A. Tell me exactly what’s happening. Caller (nearing his Canadian breaking point): Listen. I’m pressing Control, eh? And nothing’s happening, eh?
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???‘I suddenly forgot how to climb a fence.’ Answer: Runaway Bride. Awwww! Another great Julia movie! In this scene  you can really see the attraction between Maggie and Ike. Also Starring Richard  Gere, Joan Cusack, and Rita Wilson.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???

‘Bear wants to spend the summer at the White Horse?’

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Tuesday’s Quizzler is………. Below are five movie titles.  However, they have been rephrased, and it is your job to figure them out. Note: The capitalization in the following phrases is the same as it would be in the actual title.  Good Luck! 1. Realm of the Land of angels and saints 2. The Ruler over the Hoops and circlets 3. Dignity and Bias 4. Vacation in Italy’s capital 5. Artist and scientist Leonardo’s Cipher

Answer: 1. Kingdom of Heaven  2. The Lord of the Rings  3. Pride and Prejudice 4. Roman Holiday 5. The Da Vinci Code

Wednesday’s Quizzlers is……….

One snowy night, Sherlock Holmes was in his house sitting by a fire. All of a sudden a snowball came crashing through his
window, breaking it. Holmes got up and looked out the window just in time to see three neighborhood kids who were brothers
run around a corner. Their names were John Crimson, Mark Crimson and Paul Crimson. The next day Holmes got a note on
his door that read “? Crimson. He broke your window.” Which of the three Crimson brothers should
Sherlock Holmes question about the incident?
TODAY SUPER QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS, BRILLIANT JOB BANKS!Winking smile
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also
if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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