by eucman

Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Thursday March 29, 2012. Redefining Words….. 

Abdicate – v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Carcinoma – n. A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Esplanade – v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Negligent – adj., describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer  the door in your nightie.

Lymph – v. To walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle – n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Bustard – n., a very rude Metrobus driver.

Coffee – n., a person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence – n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are  runover by a steamroller.

Balderdash – n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Semantics – n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood,  including such things as gluing the pages of the priest’s prayer book together  just before vespers.

Marionettes – n., residents of Washington D.C. who have been jerked around by  the mayor.

Oyster – n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish  expressions.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you  do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY 

Humor  is a reminder that no matter how high the throne one sits on, one sits on one’s  bottom.  ~Taki

Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective:   an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two  kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs.  ~Christopher  Morley

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants  torn.  ~Irvin S. Cobb
Imagination was given to man to compensate him  for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.  ~Francis  Bacon

Humor results when society says you can’t scratch certain  things in public, but they itch in public.  ~Tom Walsh

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some  friends. They came to a
muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After  a few minutes of trying to get the car out by
themselves, they saw a young  farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer  stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the  mud for $50.  The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer  turned to the husband and said, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out  of the mud today.”  The husband looks around at the fields
incredulously  and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At  night?” “No,” the
young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put  the water in the hole.”
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???

‘Bear wants to spend the summer at the White Horse?’ Answer: Armageddon. I have an affinity for Ben Affleck

movies! I  just love them! I would have to say though, that Bear was my favourite character  because he was just so

funny! Starring Ben Affleck, Bruce Willis, Liv Tyler,  Billy Bob Thorton, Michael Clarke Duncan (Bear!), and

Steve  Buscemi.

 Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???

‘All the work, the training, the wise words, for what? To smile in the face  of my brother’s killer, while

you make your own plans?!’

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is………. One snowy night, Sherlock Holmes was in his house sitting by a fire. All of a sudden a snowball came crashing through his window, breaking it. Holmes got up and looked out the window just in time to see three neighborhood kids who were brothers

run around a corner. Their names were John Crimson, Mark Crimson and Paul Crimson. The next day Holmes got a note on
his door that read “? Crimson. He broke your window.” Which of the three Crimson brothers should
Sherlock Holmes question about the incident?
Answer: Mark Crimson “?” = question MARK, so the note on the door reads “Question Mark Crimson.  He broke your window.”

Thursday’s Quizzlers is……….

Yes he’s back, back again. Oxy’s back, back again! Here are five more for you to figure out. Task (same as always…): Can you figure out which well known oxymorons these words are? Ex) Initial facsimile = original copy
1) Latest ritual 2) Average huge 3) Juvenile grown-up 4) Factual deceptions 5) Unwell fitness
TODAY SUPER QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS, BRILLIANT JOB BANKS!Winking smile
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also
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