WELCOME to Thursday May 3, 2012. THE WOMAN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK …..
Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
If they can put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all there.
Tell him you’re not his type – you have a pulse.
Never let your man’s mind wander – its too little to be left out alone.
Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature anyway.
Never marry a man for money. You’ll have to earn every penny.
Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him check books.
Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Thursday people, try
enjoying your day, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Japanese researchers have successfully grown hair on a bald mouse.
The researchers are ecstatic, and the mouse is relieved he doesn’t have
to keep wearing that stupid toupee.” -Conan O’Brien
“I want to get this off my chest: For the past 20 years, I have been using
performance-enhancing vodka.” -David Letterman
“A new study found that being a vegetarian actually improves your mood
while talking about being a vegetarian just ruins everyone else’s mood.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the
ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was..
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat
discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who dumps on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend.
(3) And when you’re in deep, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I hope you flip your bike over and knock
your two front teeth out! You leave me in the trenches taking grenades, John!”
Answer: Wedding Crashers. Jeremy Grey (played by Vince Vaughn) says this to
John Beckwith (played by Owen Wilson). The two play best friends who crash
weddings for free food and one-night stands with women. The movie also stars
Rachel McAdams and Christopher Walkens.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “You have the most beautiful toes and I’m
not even a foot guy.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Fill in the blank below with a word that means the same as the word on the left when read
normally and fits the definition on the right when read backwards.
Wicked __________ Exist
Make a picture ________ Municipal sector
ANSWER: Evil, live. Draw, ward.
Thursday’s Quizzlers is……….
I am a set of three words, all with the same six letters.
First I am a kingdom, though not royally so.
Then spell me backwards, and I become a thin plate.
Now rearrange my consonants, leaving my vowels in place …
I am now a type of paper.
What are the words?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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