WELCOME to Thursday May 24, 2012. Thoughts…….
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens
your life by 22 minutes. That doesn’t sound too bad to me. You’d probably
watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“A new study found that 20 percent of Internet time is spent on social networking
sites. While the other 80 percent is spent hiding a Facebook window behind Excel.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Yesterday, a group of scientists warned that because of global warming, sea levels
will rise so much that parts of New Jersey will be under water. The bad news?
Parts of New Jersey won’t be under water.” –Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
An older man strode in to his doctor’s office and said, “Doc, my druggist said to tell
you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you’ve been giving to Mrs. Smith.”
“Oh, he did, did he?” the doctor shot back. “And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor’s orders?”
The old man says, “Since he found out I’ve been on birth control pills since February.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “But, John. If the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don’t eat the tourists.”
Answer: Jurassic Park! When John Hammond opened Jurassic Park, in this Michael Crichton-written film from 1993, he suggested that not even Disneyland was fully functioning when it opened. Jeff Goldblum’s character, Dr. Ian Malcolm (who returned for the second movie in the series), noted the line in question, particularly because of how dangerous live dinosaurs would actually be should things get out of control. He shouldn’t have jinxed it–things went from bad to worse.
Sure, the dinosaurs were amazing, but they were also vicious and deadly, as one would expect. When a rogue worker, seeking fame and fortune by smuggling embryos out of the park, flipped the security switch and tried to escape (only to fail), he placed everyone else in danger, set the dinos loose in the park, and caused chaos that spread through several films. This was another movie in which Samuel L. Jackson was eaten by animals larger than himself.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Oh, don’t worry about it. After all, it’s not ancient tribal burial ground. It’s just… people. Besides we have done it before.” TODAY’S MOVIE DIVIA AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD FOR SOLVING WEDNESDAY’S MOVIE TRIVIA QUESTION! NICE JOB KIM!
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
In Cryptography teasers, a phrase or expressions has been encoded in some way (frequently by replacing letters with other letters). You need to figure out the encoding method and then decode the message to find the answer.
Cj jofni mytp myn vlcyf jm znj un vldyf. Jbn jlmdktn ci, C goy’j lnunuknl cw cj’i jbn jbcljnnyjb ml jbn wmdljnnyjb. – Znmlzn Kdlyi
Up zloyvumjbnl ci msnl nczbjp oyv ijctt vmniy’j ynnv ztoiini. Vlcyfi lczbj mdj mw jbn kmjjtn. – Bnyyp Pmdyzuoy
Cw pmd vlcyf, vmy’j vlcsn. Vmy’j nsny xdjj. – Vnoy Uoljcy
Hmlf ci jbn gdlin mw jbn vlcyfcyz gtoiini. – Migol Hctvn
Lnucyvi un mw up iowolc cy owlcgo. Imunkmvp wmlzmj jbn gmlfiglnh oyv wml insnlot vopi hn bov jm tcsn my ymjbcyz kdj wmmv oyv hojnl. – H. G. Wcntvi
ANSWER: It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
– George Burns
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. – Henny Youngman
If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt. – Dean Martin
Work is the curse of the drinking classes. – Oscar Wilde
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. – W. C. Fields
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Z H I U Q K C W S T B R O E A Y X J V L M D F P N G
Thursday’s Quizzlers is……….
Many of our everyday words have more than one meaning. Below are eleven pairs of definitions. Both definitions in each pair fit the same word. When read down, the first letters of the eleven answers will spell out the name of a beloved TV celebrity.
1. Spend time idly or bread unit
2. Worker’s organization or marriage
3. Pine tree fruit or ice cream holder
4. Feeling of curiosity or savings account accrual
5. Land parcel or considerable quantity
6. Illumination or not weighty at all
7. Typewriter type style or the VIP crowd
8. Baby’s toy or city square
9. Weapon or upper body appendage
10. Bowling group or three nautical miles
11. Stand at a slant or thin
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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