WELCOME to Wednesday May 30, 2012. ELEVEN GREAT PUNS ABOUT THE LAW
11) Lawyers wear law suits.
10) Next time you get a lawyer a drink, give him just-ice.
9) A lawyer using a facsimile machine must be sure to get his fax straight.
8) A lawyer for a church did some cross-examining.
7) Does a lawyer representing an angry cow find just cause for sour milk in a dairy case?
6) A detective likes to have a brief case.
5) The detective who went to investigate a burned down post office figured that it must be blackmail.
4) There are many judges who would like to acquit smoking.
3) Old judges never die, they just slur their sentences.
2) A police dog is often the scenter of a drug arrest.
1) If there’s one person you don’t want to interrupt in the middle of a sentence, it’s a judge.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“One doesn’t have a sense of humor. It has you.”
– Larry Gelbart
“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”
– Steven Wright
“Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.”
– Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
The dictionary definition of oxymoron is:– A rhetorical figure of speech in which contradictory terms are paired, for example, alone together, current history or boneless ribs. However, with an oxymoron the incongruous word pairing conveys a truth or a dramatic result.
It is possible to sub-divide English oxymorons into three main categories:
a) Pure puns such as gourmet pizza.
b) Accidents, like an original copy.
c) Paradoxes, my favourite example is ‘serious joke’.
d) An alternative zany definition for an oxymoron: One who forgets to breathe!
The word oxymoron is derived from the Greek oxumōros, which means ‘obviously foolish’, a Latin equivelent would be: contradictio in terminis. Incidentally, the related word sideroxylon specifically refers to a mismatch between the noun and its adjective, e.g. cold fire.
As I ponder the word oxymoron, I cannot decide which plural is the better Oxymora or oxymorons. I also cannot get the syllable ‘moron’ out of my mind.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Well for me, the worst way would be for a bunch of old men to get around me, and start biting and eating me alive.”
Answer: Return of the Living Dead! An alternative to George A. Romero’s zombie timeline (the “…of the Living Dead” films), “Return of the Living Dead” was Dan O’Bannon’s first entry into the long-running zombie canon and it introduced fully-functioning, talking undead creatures. “Send more paramedics” comes to mind. Linnea Quigley, long known for undressing herself in 1980’s horror films, proceeded to do so after her ironic quote. She mentioned her clothes being ripped off and then, sure enough, she performed an impromptu striptease on a stone tomb. What was weirder was an abrupt instance of acid rain and her neglecting to dress herself during this incident. When the zombies started to rise from the cemetery, it was only inevitable that she was eaten alive by them. Really, she shouldn’t have said anything.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “It is unsinkable. God himself could not sink this ship.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
The following quotes are all by none other than Yogi Berra himself. Can you figure them out? They all use the same code.
E’O XGZ MGEXM ZG TIS OS WELQ KX UXDSDFGBULEK. FUZ ZVUO AKFW ZG QDVGGF FEWU E LEL.
EX ZVUGHS ZVUHU EQ XG LECCUHUXDU TUZAUUX ZVUGHS KXL BHKDZEDU. EX BHKDZEDU ZVUHU EQ.
TKQUTKFF EQ XEXUZS BUHDUXZ OUXZKF. ZVU GZVUH VKFC EQ BVSQEDKF.
ANSWER: I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.
Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical. -Yogi Berra
Wednesday’s Quizzlers is……….
Insert the word from group B into the empty spaces in group A.
1. Ta__ __ __ __ry
2. K__ __ __ __en
3. D__ __ __ __le
4. S__ __ __ __et
5. T__ __ __ __t
Group B
A. Herb
B. Itch
C. Able
D. Pest
E. Wind
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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