WELCOME to Friday June 1, 2012. Funny Words Make Clever Phrases
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can’t stand alone, it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Friday people,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“New research shows that eating organic foods can make people more arrogant
and judgmental. In fact, eating just one handful of organic bean sprouts
has the same effect as driving 1,000 miles in a Prius.” -Jay Leno
“A new study shows current members of Congress speak at a 10th grade level.
When reached for comment, Congressman Eric Cantor said, ‘Nuh-uh!'” -Conan O’Brien
“It’s not such a great day for fans of the game show “Jeopardy.” Alex Trebek says
he may retire at the end of the season. Trebek says he wants to spend more time
at home, arrogantly correcting his family.” -Craig Ferguson
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
An angel appears at a meeting of religious leaders and tells their leader that in return for
his unselfish and exemplary behaviour, God will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.
Without hesitating, the leader selects infinite wisdom. ‘Done!’ says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the leader, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. One of the others whispers, ‘Say something.’
The leader sighs and says, ‘I should have taken the money.’
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I have to go to the bathroom but I heard about a woman who
went to the bathroom on the plane–she got sucked into the toilet. Sucked right in.”
Answer: Bridesmaids! There’s nothing to fuel acrophobia, claustrophobia, and the fear of getting sucked into a toilet like a nervous flier, and when Annie took an economy-class seat to make the bachelorette party in Vegas with the rest of the group, she found herself next to this one.
The woman shouldn’t have said anything. When Annie found herself getting nervous about the group up front (including her new rival, Helen) she started to drink and take medication to calm her down. This resulted in several rather feeble attempts to sneak into first class where she felt she belonged and, inevitably, the plane made an emergency landing halfway to their destination. “Bridesmaids” included several similar, hopeless follies surrounding a bridal shower for Lillian, culminating to the wedding itself. It was produced by Judd Apatow and earned boatloads (almost $300,000,000) in the box office.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “My driving is rivalled only by the lightning bolts from the heavens”!
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
A phobia is an irrational fear or hatred of a specific thing or situation which compels one to avoid it despite awareness and reassurance that the object or situation is not dangerous. Listed below are the names and definitions of six phobias. Five are real phobias documented in psychology journals, while one is an imposter. Can you determine which one from the list below is not a real phobia?
Trichopathophobia – Fear of hair
Pentheraphobia – Fear of mother-in-law
Aibohphobia – Fear of Palindromes
Doraphobia – Fear of fur or skins of animals
Logizomechanophobia – Fear of computers.
Onomatophobia- Fear of hearing a certain word or of certain names.
ANSWER: Aibohphobia is not a real, documented phobia; it is actually a joke started on the Internet. It has not appeared in any documented psychology journal. The joke, of course, is that the word Aibohphobia is a palindrome.
Friday’s Quizzlers is……….
The following words have one thing in common. Can you figure out what it is?
Bola
Chute
Graph
Mount
Pet
Site
Sol
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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