WELCOME to Thursday June 14, 2012.
As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towards legislation which requires the prominent placing of warnings on products that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the cautionary thought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely scratch the surface of what is really necessary in this important area. This is especially true in light of the findings of 20th century quantum physics.
We therefore propose that the following list of warnings appears on every product offered for sale in the United States.
WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
CAUTION: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour.
CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the “Uncertainty Principle,” It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving. (Note: This one is optional on the grounds that Heisenburg was never quite sure that his principle was correct)
ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know as “Tunneling,” This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor’s Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.
ATTENTION: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.999999999% Empty Space.
PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.
HEALTH WARNING: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“For the first time ever, more than half of all senior citizens in the U.S. are using
the Internet. Yeah, I read that when my grandma sent the entire story to me in the
subject line of an email.” -Jimmy Fallon
“The World Economic Forum, which ranks economies, moved the United States
down to 5th place. Switzerland came in 1st place. I guess those little army knives
are selling like crazy.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“I tried to make money as a kid. I had a lemonade stand for about six weeks. I made
no money. I had to burn it down and collect insurance.” –Brian Kiley
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “And the first thing you gotta learn if you’re gonna be a racecar driver, is that you don’t listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher here.”
Answer: Talladega Nights! The full title of this movie is “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby” and it was directed by Adam Mckay. The quote is directed at Ricky Bobby (Will Ferrell) by his drunken father during a Career’s Day at school. The resultant speech sees Ricky expelled and he is delivered this advice by his father; “If you’re not first, you’re last”. This becomes Ricky’s creed for life. It drives (pun intended) Ricky to the top of the NASCAR world. The film then follows his spectacular fall from grace and endeavours to regain his former glories. The film has a strong ensemble cast, received positive reviews and continued a great run of success for Will Ferrell.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “The horse is too small, the jockey too big, the trainer too old, and I’m too dumb to know the difference”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Which of the following words does not belong in the list, and why?
Reappear
Caucasus
Inefficiencies
Signings
Arraigning
Horseshoer
Intestines
Appeases
ANSWER: The odd word out is INEFFICIENCIES, In all the other words, each of the letters in the word appears twice.
Thursday’s Quizzlers is……….
What phrase is shown in the figure below?
S-n-o-w
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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