WELCOME to Monday June 18, 2012. Too Much Coffee?
Here’s how you can tell you’ve had way too much coffee……
You answer the door before people knock.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.
You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people’s fingernails.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”
You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words per minute … with your feet.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
All your kids are named “Joe”.
You don’t need a hammer to pound nails.
Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
You don’t sweat, you percolate.
You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realise it’s not plugged in.
You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
You’re so wired, you pick up FM radio.
People can test their batteries in your ears.
Your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
You’d be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”
You get drunk just so you can sober up.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“NASCAR is trying some new initiatives to go green, including planting
trees and using ethanol fuel. Most controversial is the idea of having
NASCAR drivers carpool in the race.” -Conan O’Brien
“There was meteor sighting across several states. I spent the whole
morning in the desert looking for a baby Superman,
but couldn’t find one.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“A new study found that a mother’s diet affects her baby’s allergies.
Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Two Eskimos, out to fish in their canoe got cold and decided to build a small fire in the bottom of their canoe to keep warm. Of course the boat caught fire and sank, proving that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “You truly love each other and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the story books say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.”
Answer: The Princess Bride! Prince Humperdinck says this to Westley in the Pit of Despair after Buttercup insists that Westley will always come for her. Humperdinck then sets the torture machine to suck fifty years from Westley’s life, leaving him “mostly dead.”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Identify the fruits and vegetables from the following clues:
(Don’t assume that you know how part of a clue is pronounced. There may be more than one way!)
1. “Mom, may we please go outside? Will you please let us play? PLEASE! PLEASE!”
2. Another name for a taxi + the rings in a tree indicate what? = ___________________.
3. A pool stick + C + a burnt brownish color = ______________________.
4. Your mother pairs socks at the toes.
5. A drink + me + the end of the word “talon” = _____________________.
ANSWER: 1. Lettuce 2. Cabbage 3. Cucumber 4. Tomato 5. Watermelon
Explanation of each answer:
1. The words “let us” point to lettuce.
2. Cab is another name for a taxi, and the rings in a tree tell its age. When we combine cab and age, cabbage is the result.
3. A pool stick is called a cue stick. Burnt umber is a brownish color. When we combine cue, c, and umber, cucumber is the result.
4. Mating socks is an expression for pairing socks. When mating socks at the toes, tomato is the result.
5. Water is a drink. When we combine water, me, and “lon”, watermelon is the result.
Monday’s Quizzlers is……….
What is this?
Sticker Bum
Sticker Sticker Bum Bum
Sticker Sticker Sticker Bum Bum Bum
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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