WELCOME to Monday August 20, 2012.
Steven Wright………

Last year for Christmas, I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I thought I’d put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn’t find tractors small enough to fit it.

I woke up this morning and couldn’t find my socks, so I called information. She said they were behind the couch. She was right.

I like to skate on the other side of the ice.

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it
over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I’ll throw it at them.

One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my
way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and
off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, “cut it out!”

I’m so hyper (said with a very dull voice).

Sponges grow in the ocean. That kills me! I wonder how much deeper they’d be if that didn’t happen.

The judge asked, “what do you plead?” I said, “Insanity. Your honor, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?”

I met this wonderful girl at Macy’s. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkys on the escalator.

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, “Do you know the speed limit here is 50 miles per hour?” So I said,
“Oh, that’s OK, I’m not going that far.”

Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, “wish you were here.”

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.

Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting
in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.

My socks DO match. They’re the same thickness.

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it’s going to be up all night.

I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car. The other
is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
Laugh loudly and carry a big stick of butter. — Paula Deen

Who’s on first are belong to us. — Bud Abbott & Lou Costello

We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us.
Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false! — Rush Limbaugh

That’s not a quote! This is a quote! — Crocodile Dundee

It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. — Thomas Edison

Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you. — Albert Einstein

I’ve got a bad feeling about this. — Albert Camus

You are excluded from surf and turf night. You are excluded from ravioli night.
You are excluded from chicken cutlet night. — Queen Elizabeth II

One misquote is one too many already! — Caesar Augustus
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius. The Russians used a pencil.

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “He’s not as tough as he thinks.” “Neither are we.”

Answer: The Sting! In this scene Johnny Hooker (Robert Redford) and Henry Gondorff (Paul Newman) spot gangster Doyle Lonnegan (Robert Shaw) in a train station and are sizing him up in anticipation of running a confidence scam on him. Hooker makes the observation in the first line but Gondorff replies with the second line. “The Sting” won Best Picture in the 1974 Academy Awards. “The Sting” was the only other feature film Paul Newman and Robert Redford made together after they made “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” in 1969. Much of the music in “The Sting” is ragtime written by African-American composer Scott Joplin, around the beginning of the 20th century (with musical adaptations for the movie by Marvin Hamlisch). Jack Nicholson turned down the role of Johnny Hooker before Robert Redford changed his mind and decided to take the part.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “But what about us?” “We’ll always have Paris”

 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
For each of the following word pairs, you are looking for a two word answer. The first is a rhyme of the first word and gives the category. The second word is a rhyme and is a specific word in that category. For example, “Kitty, Tennis” translates to “City, Venice”.
1. Fainter, Jolly, 2. Slumber, Heaven, 3. Reason, Printer, 4. Quiver, Bongo, 5. Power, Crazy
6. Handy, Muffle, 7. Sticker, Frisky.

The answers are: 1. Painter, Dali, 2. Number, Seven, 3. Season, Winter, 4. River, Congo, 5. Flower, Daisy
6. Candy, Truffle, 7. Liquor, Whiskey
Monday’s Quizzlers is……….
Who can’t live without Spell Check in their email or word software? It’s a great tool…
Unless you are poor Paula Abdul who transforms into “Pail Abut” when the Spell Checker has at her.
The following TV and Movie Celebrities have been Spell Checked and are ready for you to uncover their true identities.
1. Court Coax
2. Action Cutter
3. Kite Wingless
4. Summon Cowbell
5. Mercy Stripe
6. Deli Moose
7. Camera Dies
8. Renew Sewage

TODAY QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TOMS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB ANDREA!

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com., http://www.Beaumont77.com., ww.schoons.com.,www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.