WELCOME to Tuesday August 28, 2012. More Daffynitions…
Octopus: An eight-sided cat.
Onosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Out of Bounds: An exhausted kangaroo.
Oyster: A person who sprinkles his conversations with Yiddishisms.
Parachute: A double barreled shotgun.
Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pedestrian: A motorist with two or more children of driving age.
Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking an electronic device to get it to work again.
Perfect Pitch: When you throw a banjo in a dumpster and it didn’t hit the sides.
Petranoid: Someone who is both petrified and paranoid. Usually a mother.
Pharmacist:: A helper on the farm.
Phonecrastinate: To put off answering the phone until caller ID identifies the caller.
Pokemon: A Rastafarian proctologist.
Polarize: What penguins see with.
Porcupine: A craving for bacon.
Posse: A Wild West cat.
Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Raisin: Grape with a sunburn.
Rectitude: The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Relief: What trees do in the spring.
Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.
Safecracker: A cracker without caviar on it.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Seamstress: 250 pounds in a size six.
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time.
Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
Stalemate: An old spouse.
Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
Subdued: Like, a guy, like, who works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
Sudafed: Bringing litigation against a government official.
Swipeout: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
Syndrome: Committing wrongdoing in the Vatican.
Syntax: Money in the collection plate.
Testicle: A funny question on an examination.
Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.
Ukraine: A female sheep lifting device.
Vocabularian: A person who makes up new words.
Will: A dead giveaway.
Willy-nilly: Impotent.
Wrinkles: Something other people have. You have character lines.
Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.
Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Divers off the coast of Italy have discovered a 2,000-year-old shipwreck that is
so well-preserved, even the food is intact. The food was carefully extracted from
the wreck and served at the nearest Olive Garden.” -Conan O’Brien

“New research found that people who wake up early are more productive than
people who sleep in. Or as Congress put it, ‘Whoa is it noon already?'” -Jimmy Fallon

“A survey found that 61 percent of people are more afraid of outliving their money
than dying. The other 39 percent have already outlived their money and have faked
their own death to avoid creditors.” -Jay Leno

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My sister is a know-it-all who bristles at anyone’s well-intentioned advice. But when
our older sister gave her several clever tips, she was impressed. “I have to hand it to Pat,”
she told me. “She really is smart. Not Jeopardy! smart; more Wheel of Fortune smart.

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Ha! I could just see Little and Large prancing around Sheffield with their widges hanging out. Now that WOULD be worth 10 quid.” “Don’t be so bloody daft. We were just saying…” “Widges on parade! Bring your own microscope!”

Answer: The Full Monty! In this scene unemployed former steelworkers Gerald (Tom Wilkinson), Gaz (Robert Carlyle) and several of their former workmates are in a Job Centre in Sheffield, England, where they are supposed to be trying to find new jobs. However, Gerald is the only one making an effort. The conversation (by everyone except Gerald) turns to how the male stripper group The Chippendales was selling about a thousand tickets at 10 quid each for a local show (quid is British slang for an English pound). When one of Gaz’s friends says that he thought they could do that, Gerald explodes in laughter and says line one. Gaz tries to explain with line two and Gerald continues with line three. “The Full Monty” tells the story of how six unemployed former steel workers form a male striptease act in order to make some money, even though their dancing skills are minimal and their physiques are less than impressive. In order to help sell tickets, they claim they will go “the full monty” (British slang for the whole thing, i.e., total nudity).

In the 1998 Academy Awards, “The Full Monty” was nominated in four categories, including Best Picture (but lost to “Titanic”). It did win one Oscar (for Best Music, Original Musical or Comedy Score). Executives at the movie studio handling US distribution for “The Full Monty” initially found the title mystifying since nobody in the film is named Monty.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Mama. What’s vacation?” “Vacation’s when you go somewhere… and you never come back.”

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
On a hot summer day by a lake you are determined to build a boat made of ice, using a refrigeration unit and a large mold in which you can pour water. Nearby you notice an Egyptian mummy resting on a pile of wood pulp. What is the best strategy for building an ice boat that will not melt before you sail it across the lake?

ANSWER: Forget about the mummy. Add the wood pulp to the water and freeze the mixture. The resulting solid, called pykrete, will have incredibly useful properties. For example, several decades ago Geoffrey Nathaniel Pyke (1894-1948) showed that the frozen mixture was extremely hard to break and very slow to melt. If a ship were made of pykrete, it would be unsinkable; torpedoes could hit it and do little damage. Pykrete has a crush resistance of greater that 3,000 pounds per square inch. A 1-inch column of pykrete can support an automobile. The wood pulp also makes the pykrete extremely stable at high temperatures. If a .303 caliber bullet is fired at the pykrete, it will penetrate only 6.5 inches. The United States and Canada were so impressed with the idea of assembling pykrete warships that a 60-foot-long, 1,000-ton pykrete ship was built in one month on a Canadian lake and never melted through the hot summer.

 

Tuesday’s Quizzlers is……….
Can you break this code?

Shift three. Caps lock one. Shift six.

Tab six. Tab nine. Tab seven.

Tab four. Tab three. Caps lock one. Caps lock three.

Tab five. Caps lock six. Tab eight. Caps lock two. Shift 10.

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com., http://www.Beaumont77.com., ww.schoons.com.,www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.