WELCOME to Wednesday September 5, 2012. A plethora of cute and short jokes……

My girlfriend has just left me saying I spend too much time devoted to my studies of Roman Numerals. I’m L I V I D.

What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.

It’s Christmas morning and as the little boy comes down the stairway, he sees his Dad in his nightshirt arranging presents under the tree. “Hi Dad! Who’s getting the bagpipes?”

If you have diarrhea, never trust a fart.

What do you call a grizzly bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

Why can’t you get cell phone service when you’re naked? No shirt, no shoes, no service.

What do dwarves use to cut their pizza? Little Caesars.

Caffeine is proof that God loves us and wants us to pay attention.

The Lenscrafter technician got his tie caught in the machine and he made a spectacle of himself.

If it wasn’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life at all.

Where does virgin wool come from? Ugly sheep?

I’ve got some Carefree gum, but it hasn’t kicked in yet. I’m worried.

If you’re killed by a wild pig, does that mean you were boared to death?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience
comes from bad judgment.” – Rita Mae Brown

“Illusion is the first of all pleasures.”
– Oscar Wilde

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow.”
– Evan Esar

“A company announced they are now selling waffle-flavored vodka.
Who is this for, the drunks that still think breakfast is the most
important meal of the day?” -Jay Leno

“MTV has announced this will be the last season of ‘Jersey Shore.’
So I guess we’ll never know if they learn to walk upright.” -Conan O’Brien

“A new study found that about one percent of the U.S. population is allergic to gluten, while the other 99 percent are sick of having to hear about it.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
After I applied for jobs at both a library and a shoe store, my husband said he hoped that I’d get the one at the store. “It would be nice to have employee discounts on shoes,” he explained. Then, without thinking, he added, “Of course, if you get the job at the library, we’ll get free books.”

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Well, for the Lord’s sake, will you look at that! What’ll we do now?”
“This is gonna be fun!”

Answer: Deliverance! In this scene Georgia businessman Drew Ballinger (Ronny Cox) spots some rapids in the fictional Cahulawassee River at the start of a canoeing trip and comments with line one. His canoeing partner, outdoor enthusiast Lewis Medlock (Burt Reynolds), replies eagerly with line two. “Deliverance” tells a hair-raising story of how Medlock has organized a weekend canoeing trip down a soon-to-be-submerged river in the Georgia backcountry with three Atlanta, Georgia urban businessmen (played by Jon Voight, Ned Beatty, and Ronny Cox). However, instead of a fun canoe adventure they enter a nightmare, and wind up killing two local mountain men after businessman Bobby Trippe (Ned Beatty, in his movie debut) is sexually assaulted. The local sheriff (played by James Dickey, who wrote both the novel this movie is based on and the screenplay) suspects, but can’t prove, that something has happened, and he warns them with the line, “Don’t ever do nothin’ like this again. Don’t come back up here.”

In the 1973 Academy Awards, “Deliverance” was nominated in three categories, including Best Picture (but lost to “The Godfather”). Some movie magic was needed for the scene in the beginning of the movie where Drew plays a guitar-and-banjo duet with an inbred-looking local boy sitting on a porch (Billy Redden) of the great bluegrass song “Dueling Banjos.” Redden, who is neither inbred nor mentally retarded, was discovered during a casting call at an elementary school in Clayton, Georgia (near the Chattooga River, the actual river much of this movie was filmed on). “Deliverance” was the first movie he appeared in. Redden could not play the banjo, so another boy, who was a skilled banjo player, reached around from behind Reddin through Redden’s sleeve and fingered the chords! The actual music is played by musicians Eric Weissberg and Steve Mandel. This song was almost identical to a 1955 tune called “Feuding Banjos” by Arthur Smith. Smith eventually won a lawsuit over the issue and an acknowledgement of his song is now included in the movie’s opening credits.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “You just shot an unarmed man!” “Well, he should have armed himself if he’s going to decorate his saloon with my [dead] friend.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
David Van Gogh (pronounced “Go”) had many relatives. Can you guess by the clues who they are?
Example: His dizzy Aunt? Answer: Verti-Gogh. How many other relatives can you guess?

A fruit loving cousin? The Grandfather from Yugoslavia? The cousin from Illinois? His Mexican cousin?
His Great Grandfather who drove a stage coach? The ballroom dancing aunt? The bird lover Uncle?
A sister who loved disco? And his niece who travels the country in a van?

ANSWER:A fruit loving cousin: Man-Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia: U-Gogh
The cousin from Illinois: Chica-Gogh
His Mexican cousin: Amee-Gogh
His Great Grandfather who drove a stage coach: Wellsfar-Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt: Tan-Gogh
The bird lover uncle: Flamin-Gogh
A sister who loved disco: Go-Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van: Winnie Bay-Gogh

Wednesday’s Quizzlers is……….
Here are some well-known expressions rewritten into “Cliff-ese”. For those of you who don’t know what that means, he was a very wordy person on the TV show “Cheers” and never used a small word where a larger one would work. Try to figure out the phrases in simpler terms.

1. To place a primitive agricultural conveyance in a position anterior to the animal Equus caballus.

2. It requires a number of people greater than one to perform a terpsichorean series of low dips and twisting steps on the toes.

3. To accumulate an excess of temperature beneath a circular, tight-fitting clothing component.

4. Emanating from a culinary vessel into a site of pyrogenic activity.

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org.www.hopeBUILD.org.www.Eucmaninc.net.www.wcscatering.com., http://www.Beaumont77.com., ww.schoons.com.,www.awj-law.com.,http://www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com/.,http://cleancomedyguy.com/ http://www.simplycake.biz/www.chrissijforyourhair.com.