WELCOME to Monday December 3, 2012. If People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers  

What if General Motors had to maintain a “help line” for people who didn’t know how to operate their new cars?

HELPLINE: “General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?”

CUSTOMER: “I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!”

HELPLINE: “Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?”

CUSTOMER: “What’s an ignition?”

HELPLINE: “It’s a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine.”

CUSTOMER: “Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?”

HELPLINE: “General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?”

CUSTOMER: “My car ran fine for a week, and now it won’t go anywhere!”

HELPLINE: “Is the gas tank empty?”

CUSTOMER: “Huh? How do I know?”

HELPLINE: “There’s a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from ‘E’ to ‘F.’ Where is the needle pointing?”

CUSTOMER: “It’s pointing to ‘E.’ What does that mean?”

HELPLINE: “It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you.”

CUSTOMER: “What!? I paid $20,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!”

HELPLINE: “General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?”

CUSTOMER: “Your car sucks!”

HELPLINE: “What’s wrong?”

CUSTOMER: “It crashed, that’s what went wrong!”

HELPLINE: “What were you doing?”

CUSTOMER: “I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed — and now it won’t start!”

HELPLINE: “It’s your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?”

CUSTOMER: “I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn’t crash anymore!”

HELPLINE: “General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?”

CUSTOMER: “Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks.”

HELPLINE: “Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?”

CUSTOMER: “How do I work it?”

HELPLINE: “Do you know how to drive?”

CUSTOMER: “Do I know how to what?”

HELPLINE: “Do you know how to drive?”

CUSTOMER: “I’m not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!”

Hey, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY 

“Chicago has changed a lot since the last time we were here.

I’m having a hard time calling the Sears Tower the Willis Tower.

It just feels wrong. It’s like calling the Olive Garden an Italian restaurant.” -Conan O’Brien

“Denmark is charging a fat food tax on cheese, meat, and oil.

Here, we call that the Denny’s Grand Slam breakfast.” -Jay Leno

“A TSA screener in Kansas City is facing criticism for giving a pat-down

to an 8-month-old baby. You don’t pat down a baby! You stick him in a tray

and run him through the X-ray machine.” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

Our six-year-old daughter, Terra, has a need to ask questions…lots of questions. Finally, one day, my wife had it.

“Have you ever heard that curiosity killed the cat?” my wife asked. “No,” replied Terra. “Well, there was a cat, and he was very inquisitive. And one day, he looked into a big hole, fell in, and died!” Wide-eyed, Terra whispered: “What was in the hole?”

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?

What movie is this quote from???  “A man’s got to know his limitations.”

Answer: Magnum Force (1973) After witnessing the evil Lieutenant Briggs’ (Hal Holbrook’s) gruesome demise, the unflappable Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) can’t resist the opportunity to repeat a line that had been directed at him earlier.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?

What movie is this quote from???  “You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry, you will someday.”

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

 Hidden below you will find five uncommon titles to five classic novels. Can you decipher them?

1. Vanished with the Tempest

2. Enmity of the Globes

3. Dinky Maidens

4. A Chronicle of a Couple of Municipalities

5. Contention and Conciliation

ANSWER: 1. Aqua does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a tree. Willow does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a colour.

2. Sword does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a family pet. Hamster does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a type of fish.

3. Double does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a person of royalty. Prince does not belong as it’s the only one which is not a bed size.

Monday’s Quizzlers is……….

1-2-3-4-5-6

I am a 6 letter word.

Letters 6-5-2 spell out a drink.

Letters 4-5-2-3 spell out a fruit.

Letters 1-2-6 spell out a pet.

Letters 3-2-6 spell out a pest, which often gets eaten by 1-2-6.

What am I?

TODAY’S QUIZZMASTERS OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. KIM HILLYARD FOR ANOTHER SUPER SOLVING JOB!

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/   MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.  www.schoons.com.  www.awj-Law.com., www.greengrassgroundsgroup.com.