WELCOME to Monday February 4, 2013. Questions which have no Answers…
Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… But it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?

Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered ra*e or shoplifting?

Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They’re going to see you n*ked anyway..

Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand up straight while Pluto remains on all fours?
They’re both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Why, Why, Why

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

If people evolved from apes,

Why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses Are not on sale?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE…… The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you…..

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY

Fool me once..Your a jerk. Fool me twice.. I’m a fool. Fool me 3,232 times…You must be my local weatherman.

Do you think strippers have nightmares about accidentally going to work fully clothed? – troyhud

You’d be in good shape if you ran as fast as your mouth. – troyhud

Parents spend the first half of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the other half telling us to sit down and shut up! – troyhud

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A pregnant woman is in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, “Ma’am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them.” The woman thinks to herself, “Oh no, not my brother, he’s an idiot!” Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, “Well, what’s the girl’s name?” “Denise,” the doctor says. The new mother thinks, “Wow, that’s not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!” Then she asks the doctor, “What’s the boy’s name?” The doctor replies, “Denephew.”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “What do you take me for?” “I don’t know that I’d take you for anything.”
“Is it possible, even conceivable, that you’ve confused me with that gang of backward children you play tricks on, that you have the same contempt for me as you have for them?”

Answer: All About Eve! “All About Eve” (1950) was directed by Joseph L. Mankiewicz. This is a marvellously, literary movie about life in the theater, starring Bette Davis as ageing actress, Margo Channing. In this scene, sardonic theater critic Addison DeWitt (George Sanders) is dismissively telling ambitious, scheming actress Eve Harrington (Anne Baxter) that he’s a smart guy, who singularly hasn’t fallen for her many deceptions. His reference to a “gang of backward children” alludes to the other characters in the story (including Margo Channing) who have been duped by Eve’s pretences.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “No. You’re a smart boy, but I know how to take care of smart boys. I hate your guts, you smart college guys! I’ve been seeing your kind around since I was ten years old… working as a busboy. “Oh busboy, it seems my friend has thrown up on the table. Clean up that mess, boy, will you?” And then when I went to sea as a steward… people poking at you with umbrellas. “Oh, boy!”, “You, boy!”, “Careful with that luggage, boy!” And I took it. I took it for years! But I don’t have to take it any more. There’s a war on, and I’m captain of this vessel, and now YOU can take it for a change! The worst thing I can do to you is to keep you right here, Mister, and here is where you’re going to stay. Now, GET OUT!”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
R S E
O
W
ANSWER: A turn for the worse. When someone is sick and just keeps getting sicker they are taking a turn for the worse. Hide

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Mary and her four brothers had very similar histories. Determine when each was born, when they married, and when they died.

1. The oldest sibling married two years after the one born in 1921.

2. Mary had been married for 40 years when she died, and was born a year later than the brother who died in 1989.

3. The youngest sibling married a year before Joseph and died a year before Michael.

4. The one who married in 1950 died two years before the one who married in 1949.

5. The one born in 1923 married more than a year before Joseph, and died more than a year before him.

6. William is the only one with statistics that are all odd numbered years; Peter (whose dates are all even numbered) died a year after the one who married in 1946.

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.