WELCOME to Tuesday February 5, 2013. PUNOGRAPHY…
Received this from my daughter Tenecia yesterday, and thought I would share the laughter…

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity . I can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words .

They told me I had type A blood , but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory . I hope there’s no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro – what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government’s fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“A company announced they are now selling waffle-flavored vodka. Who is this for, the drunks that still think breakfast is the most important meal of the day?” -Jay Leno

“Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis once again denied using the banned substance deer antler velvet extract. Before you kids start using the deer antler spray, there are a couple of side effects. Number one, skittishness. And number two, freezing in headlights.” -Dave Letterman

“Today, President Obama honored more than 20 researchers for their contributions to science and technology. Unfortunately, it was overshadowed by the football game � or as those researchers put it, ‘Man, high school never ends, does it?'” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m., I dis- covered that it had not been one of my wife’s better days. Nothing I said or did seemed to be right. By 7 p.m. things had not changed, so before a fight started in earnest I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home, and start all over again. My wife agreed. I went outside, came back in and, with a big smile, announced, “Honey, I’m home!” “And just where have you been?” she replied sharply. “It’s after seven o’clock!”

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “No. You’re a smart boy, but I know how to take care of smart boys. I hate your guts, you smart college guys! I’ve been seeing your kind around since I was ten years old… working as a busboy. “Oh busboy, it seems my friend has thrown up on the table. Clean up that mess, boy, will you?” And then when I went to sea as a steward… people poking at you with umbrellas. “Oh, boy!”, “You, boy!”, “Careful with that luggage, boy!” And I took it. I took it for years! But I don’t have to take it any more. There’s a war on, and I’m captain of this vessel, and now YOU can take it for a change! The worst thing I can do to you is to keep you right here, Mister, and here is where you’re going to stay. Now, GET OUT!”

Answer: “Mister Roberts” (1955) was directed by John Ford and Mervyn LeRoy. This movie is a tragi-comedy set on a ship in wartime, however the ship is not on active service. This suits most of the characters, especially Ensign Pulver (Jack Lemmon) who is only interested in women, and keeping out of sight of tyrannical Captain Morton (James Cagney). Everyone hates the Captain, who treats the men with utter disdain, caring more for his beloved palm tree. The only man brave enough to stand up to him is the ship’s second-in-command, Mister Roberts (Henry Fonda), who is aching to get a transfer to a warship to see some action before the war is over. However, Captain Morton relies too heavily on Mister Roberts for the day-to-day running of the ship, therefore refuses to approve a transfer. The quoted scene is when Roberts has put in yet another transfer request, sending Captain Morton into a blinding rage. A great performance by Cagney in this farcical scene.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Isn’t there anybody in this town that’s not afraid of Craig Belden?”
“Sure! Graveyard’s full of them!”

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Mary and her four brothers had very similar histories. Determine when each was born, when they married, and when they died.

1. The oldest sibling married two years after the one born in 1921.
2. Mary had been married for 40 years when she died, and was born a year later than the brother who died in 1989.
3. The youngest sibling married a year before Joseph and died a year before Michael.
4. The one who married in 1950 died two years before the one who married in 1949.
5. The one born in 1923 married more than a year before Joseph, and died more than a year before him.
6. William is the only one with statistics that are all odd numbered years; Peter (whose dates are all even numbered) died a year after the one who married in 1946.

ANSWER: Mary, born 1924, married 1948, died 1988.

Michael, born 1923, married 1946, died 1989.

Joseph, born 1920, married 1949, died 1992.

Peter, born 1922, married 1950, died 1990.

William, born 1921, married 1947, died 1991.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
I was on a road trip with a friend when we drove past a very tall radio tower. I told my friend “That thing has to be at least a thousand feet tall!” He looked out the window for a moment, and said “I’ll bet it’s closer to 1500 feet.” We stopped at a gas station and asked how tall the tower was, and it was exactly 1500 feet tall! Now that I owe my friend a steak dinner, how could he tell how tall the tower was?

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.