WELCOME to Monday February 11, 2013. Questions which have no answers…
Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… But it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?

Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why, Why, Why

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

If people evolved from apes,

Why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses Are not on sale?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
How come eggs don’t taste like chicken…?

Homeless Sign I saw today… Why live in a $100k home when I can live under a three million dollar bridge? Well done hobo, well done

Expecting the unexpected makes the unexpected expected. – troyhud

Walmart: because going to Target requires you to take a shower and not wear pajamas… – troyhud

I used to care, but I take a pill for that now

Bin ladens last facebook status “brb somones at the door”

I love it when I develop super human cat like reflexes when I start to drop my phone…

I always feel an intense awkwardness when a woman doesn’t choose the iron in a game of Monopoly…

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch he asks the little old lady why they don’t eat the peanuts themselves. “We can’t chew them because we’ve no teeth”, she replied. The puzzled driver asks, “Then, why do you buy them then?” The old lady replied, “We just love the chocolate around them.”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I killed Liz. I killed the teen dream. Deal with it.”

Answer: Jawbreaker! In “Jawbreaker” (1999), three friends accidentally kill their girlfriend, Liz (Charlotte Roldan), when they kidnap on her birthday and gag her with a large jawbreaker. Liz chokes on the jawbreaker. The girls cover up the crime, but one of the girls, Julie (Rebecca Gayheart), begins to feel really guilty about it. Courtney (Rose McGowan) refuses to come clean, but Julie exposes her as the murderer with a recording of Courtney saying she killed Liz at the Prom at the end of the movie.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I don’t know about you guys, but we are the weirdest herd I have ever seen.”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Name the automobile makes:

1. river wading place
2. ringed planet
3. famous emancipator
4. weep convulsively
5. Star Wars action figure
6. earth wanderer
7. spotted cat
8. heavy metal
9. evade
10. diminutive
11. endlessness
12. bawl + disparaging remark

ANSWER: 1. Ford 2. Saturn 3. Lincoln 4. Saab (sob) 5. Toyota (toy Yoda, HA-HA) 6. Land Rover
7. Jaguar 8. Mercury 9. Dodge 10. MINI 11. Infiniti (infinity) 12. Chrysler (cry+slur…a stretch, I know)

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
I am the highest rank
Unless you use the first
I am full, never blank
Sometimes I make you burst

I am surely one of a kind
The ruler of a formal wear
A man of wisdom you might find
In your hand I’m very fair

I have three good friends
All with swords in their hands
Our bond never ends
But I am different in thy lands

What am I?

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.