WELCOME to Tuesday February 12, 2013. Airline Announcements…
Here are some humorous statements made by airline flight crews…

“As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.”

“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane…”

“Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.”

“We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane.”

“Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.”

“Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it’s warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it’s dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y’all wanna go there I really don’t know.”

Pilot – “Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land… it’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.”

Pilot – “Folks, if you were with us last week, we never got around to mentioning that it was National Procrastination day. If you get a chance this week, please try to celebrate it. If you can’t get to it, then maybe try to do it at the weekend, but no big rush. Have a nice day.”

And, after landing: “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head steward announced on the intercom, “This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched asthey leave the aircraft.

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella…WHOA..!”

“Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children.”

“As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”

And from the pilot during his welcome message: “We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry… Unfortunately none of them are on this flight!”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“In Great Britain the bones of King Richard III, who was killed in 1485, have been discovered under a parking lot. And you know how he died? Fighting over a parking space.” -Jay Leno

“This weekend a couple from Connecticut will have the longest marriage ever recorded in the U.S. They said the secret to their long-lasting marriage is love, compromise, and the fact that neither one of them has been able to hear a word the other one has said in more than 30 years.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Last night runners from around the world competed in the annual race to the top of the Empire State Building. But there’s already a scandal brewing. It turns out one of the competitors tested positive for elevator.” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
On my 40th birthday I waltzed out of my bedroom dressed in an old outfit I dug out of the back of the closet.
“I wore this on my 30th birthday! I guess that means my wardrobe is ten years old,” I said to my husband, hoping he’d take the hint and buy me some clothes as a present. “Or,” he offered instead, “it means when you were 30 you had the body of a 40-year-old.”

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I don’t know about you guys, but we are the weirdest herd I have ever seen.”

Answer: Ice Age! In “Ice Age” (2002), Manny the mammoth and Sid the sloth are two very different animals who end up migrating together, because Manny prefers to be alone, and Sid’s herd left him behind. Along the way, they rescue a baby that lost its mother in a tiger attack, and decide to follow the human tribe to return the baby to them. They are joined by Diego, a sabre tooth tiger, who has ulterior motives – he wants to bring the baby back to his herd. On their journey, Manny, Sid and Diego become good friends, and decide to stay together as a herd, prompting Sid to say this quote. “Ice Age” spawned two sequels: “Ice Age: The Meltdown” (2006) and “Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs” (2009).

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late… I use the side door – that way Lumbergh can’t see me. And, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour… I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I’m working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I’d say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.”?

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
I am the highest rank
Unless you use the first
I am full, never blank
Sometimes I make you burst

I am surely one of a kind
The ruler of a formal wear
A man of wisdom you might find
In your hand I’m very fair

I have three good friends
All with swords in their hands
Our bond never ends
But I am different in thy lands

What am I?

ANSWER: King of Diamonds

Highest rank, meaning the King
Unless the first, meaning the Ace (first meaning one)
Full, meaning the picture of him on the card has little blanks
Make you burst, meaning a burst of excitement (in most card games, it’s great to have a King)

One of a Kind, meaning no other cards that are the same
Formal wear, meaning a suit
Man of wisdom, meaning you must use him wise
In your hand is very fair, meaning when you have a King in your cards (hand), you are playing very fair.

Three good friends, meaning the other Kings of the other three suits
All with swords in their hands, meaning they all have swords in their hands.
Our bond never ends, meaning they are always together (in a deck)
Different in thy lands, meaning that he is the only one without a sword in his hand (he has an ax)

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time. This little test should help you get started.

During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria is that defines if a patient should be institutionalized.

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub. Then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub.”

Okay, here’s your test:
1. Would you use the spoon?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would choose the bucket, as it is larger than the spoon.”
What was the director’s response?

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ MY FAVORITE LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com.