WELCOME to Friday March 1, 2013. Mothers Dictionary………

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Prepared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Researchers in Germany now say that human longevity has improved so rapidly over the past century that 72 is the new 30. That is bad news for parents. You’ll never get the kids out of the house now. ‘Dad, I’m only 50. That’s, like, 17.'” -Jay Leno

“Scientists have discovered a species of fish that surrounds itself with uglier fish in order to look more attractive. However, scientists could not identify which sorority it belongs to.” -Jimmy Fallon

“The White House officially released portraits of the White House gang. You can all see the portrait of Hillary Clinton. It will be on next month’s cover of the ‘Sports Illustrated’ pants suit issue.” -David Letterman

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A father is in church with three of his young children, including his five year old daughter. As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service. During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five year old girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant’s head. With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked with all the innocence of a five year old… “Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?”

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘Do you realize that if we played by the rules right now we’d be in gym? ‘

Answer: “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” is about just that: a very popular high school student, Ferris Bueller, decides that he is above such petty inconveniences as going to school and fakes illness to get out of it for one day. Ferris says this to his best friend, Cameron, while they’re at a baseball game, meaning that if they hadn’t gone to such extreme measures to get out of school that day, they would be in gym class.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘Mickey is a mouse, Donald is a duck, Pluto is a dog. What’s Goofy?’

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
All except one of the following words have something in common. What is common and which one doesn’t belong?

Sovreign
Abcess
Innocuous
Innoculate
Committment
Embarass

ANSWER: Innocuous is the word that does not belong and the reason is that it is the only word that is spelled correctly.

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
When you were in your early school years, you can remember when you had a CRUSH on that cute girl sitting nearby. The only problem comes when you say something stupid and she SLAPS your face. Try to get from CRUSH to SLAPS in 5 steps by making a word each time.

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com.