WELCOME to Wednesday March 6, 2013. The Older We get….

ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
‘We don’t have half dozen nuggets,’ said the teenager at the counter.
‘You don’t?’ I replied.
‘We only have six, nine, or twelve,’ was the reply.
‘So I can’t order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?’
‘That’s right.’ So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadly true…)

TWO
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those ‘dividers’ that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn’t get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the ‘divider’, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, ‘Do you know how much this is?’ I said to her ‘I’ve changed my mind; I don’t think I’ll buy that today.’
She said ‘OK,’ and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM ‘thingy.’
(keep shuddering!!)

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. ‘Do you need some help?’ I asked.
She replied, ‘I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can’t get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?’
‘Hmmm, I don’t know. Do you have an alarm, too?’ I asked.
‘No, just this remote thingy,’ she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, ‘Why don’t you drive over there and check about the batteries. It’s a long walk….’
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, ‘I’m almost out of typing paper. What do I do?’
‘Just use paper from the photocopier’, the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
Brunette, by the way!!

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine. Then the mother says, ‘I just gave him some ant killer……’ Dispatcher : ‘Rush him in to emergency!’
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someone had to remind me, so I’m reminding you too. Don’t laugh…..it is all true…

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run–anywhere.
04. People call at 9 PM and ask, “did I wake you?”
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 PM.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can’t remember who sent you this list.
20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience..

Share this with every one you can remember right now!
And don’t forget.. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Pope Benedict is officially retired. Apparently there was some last-minute tension at the Vatican because they wouldn’t give the Pope his security deposit back.” -Craig Ferguson

“Sequesters any idea what those are? The star of ‘Rocky’ was Sequester Stallone. That’s about as close as I can come.” -Dave Letterman

“This horse meat scandal just keeps growing. In fact, in South Africa more than two-thirds of the meat products tested contained undeclared ingredients. Or as we call that in this country, a hot dog.” -Jay Leno

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Some people bend over backward not to insult others. A while ago, I overheard my sister, a travel agent, confirm her client’s flight this way: “Your confirmation code is F as in Foxtrot, R as in Romeo, and I as in, uuuh, Native American.”

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘Yeah, you seem like a great catcher…of doughnuts, in your mouth.’

Answer: “The Benchwarmers” is about three older guys, as they call them in the movie, who form a baseball team to represent the kids who sit out every game and never get to play. Only one of them is good; the other two just kinda stand there. The character Richie (not the good one) says this quote while stepping up to the plate. The catcher is heavy-set and Richie isn’t shy about pointing it out. I’m sure he says it just to distract the catcher and to make him lose his focus.

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘We fear change.’

Tueday’s Quizzler is……….
What expression is hidden here?
WITI
WIT’
WITM
ANSWER: I’m at wits end. Read down the end of each of the wits

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Less specific than general
the golden ones are chosen then crushed,
With the heart of a cane
they are then matched.
Rub salt in the wounds
of this refined group,
Then, most importantly,
recruit some fun guys to the troop.
After some time spent together in the presence of drink,
a partnership is formed and our needs met, we think.
You may now turn up the heat
to submit us to the test,
and we will arise as one,
to be the best!

What are we?

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com.