WELCOME to Monday March 11, 2013. Monday’s Punography!

1. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

2. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

3. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

4. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

5. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

6. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

7. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

8. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

9. The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

10. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

11. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

12. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

13. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

14. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

15. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

16. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

17. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

18. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

19. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’

20. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

21. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

22. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

23. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

24. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

25. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it. – Doug Larson

It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf. – Walter Lippmann

He who devotes sixteen hours a day to hard study may become at sixty as wise as he thought himself at twenty. – Mary Wilson Little

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. – H. L. Mencken

You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions. – Mahfouz Naguib

Does wisdom perhaps appear on the earth as a raven which is inspired by the smell of carrion? – Friedrich Nietzsche

The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it. – Jean Paul

Nine-tenths of wisdom is being wise in time. – Theodore Roosevelt

To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. – Bertrand Russell

No man was ever wise by chance. – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future. – George Bernard Shaw

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise. – Tobias Smollett

Wisdom begins in wonder. – Socrates

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. – Socrates

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. “I can’t leave,” the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.” The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?” the victim asks. “He says you’re gonna die.”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’m sorry, what was the question? I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap.’

Answer: “Miss Congeniality” is about a female agent who goes undercover as a Miss America contestant, to solve a case. She is not too keen to go through with this assignment, because it is definitely an understatement to say that she is nothing like the contestants in the pageant. Victor, her stylist, says this to Gracie, the agent, as she eats a steak with her mouth open. Anybody who has seen someone talk and eat with their mouth open (at the same time) knows that it is nothing short of disgusting, as Victor notices at this point. He is trying to make her into a lady, and he knows he’s got his work cut out for him when he sees her eat.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “You be careful out among them English.”

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you identify what phrase is represented here? nasmetofolopve

ANSWER: na S me T of O lo P ve Stop, in the name of love!

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Find out what the animals are! (for example, “To run away or escape” could be a “flea”)

1. hair-control foam
2. very exposed
3. tellin’ falsities
4. a lamenting cry
5. a dull person
6. a precious or loved one
7. first you get a parking ticket, then you get this
8. these make up a chain

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com.