WELCOME to Thursday March 14, 2013. Doggy Oneliners….

The Grim Reaper came for me last night , and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin , 3 hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself , they’ve lost the plot!!

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance , so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

Statistically , 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning , can you believe that , 2:30 am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well , she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

A wife says to her husband you’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You’re in a wheelchair.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

Bought some ‘rocket salad’ yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!

A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says “Oh , I forgot to tell you , today’s the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.”
– Mark Twain

“Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value.”
– Albert Einstein

“My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.”
– Rodney Dangerfield

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “What is the opposite of joy?”

“Sadness,” said the student.

And the opposite of depression?” he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

“Elation,” said she.

“And you sir,” he said to the young man from Texas, “how about the opposite of woe?”

The Texan replied, “Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up.”

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Well, I guess that’s pretty much how I feel about relationships. You know, they’re irrational and crazy and absurd, but I guess we keep goin’ through it because most of us need the eggs.”

Answer: Annie Hall (1977) Alvy Singer’s soliloquy sums up the central theme of Woody Allen’s comedic study of human relationships. Paraphrasing the OLD joke; “My father thinks he’s a chicken. We’d have him committed to an asylum, but the family needs the eggs.”

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I think I’ll have a drink.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Each pair of hints below relates to two words. One of the words is the other one spelled backward. What are the ten word pairs? Example: married, moisture Answer: wed, dew

1. light source, rodents 2. dwell, wicked 3. retain, sneaking look 4. weapons, tight fit 5. portion, catching device
6. prize, furniture compartment 7. drinking aid, skin blemishes 8. stopper, big swallow 9. implement, stolen goods 10. precinct, illustrate
ANSWER: Each pair of hints below relates to two words. One of the words is the other one spelled backward. What are the ten word pairs? Example: married, moisture Answer: wed, dew
1. light source, rodents 2. dwell, wicked 3. retain, sneaking look 4. weapons, tight fit
5. portion, catching device 6. prize, furniture compartment 7. drinking aid, skin blemishes
8. stopper, big swallow 9. implement, stolen goods 10. precinct, illustrate

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
A monk has a very specific ritual for climbing up the steps to the temple. First he climbs up to the middle step and meditates for 1 minute. Then he climbs up 8 steps and faces east until he hears a bird singing. Then he walks down 12 steps and picks up a pebble. He takes one step up and tosses the pebble over his left shoulder. Now, he walks up the remaining steps three at a time which only takes him 9 paces. How many steps are there?

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com.