WELCOME to Tuesday March 19, 2013. Bumper Stickers…..

Most of these bumper stickers have nothing to do with parenting, but bumper stickers are a parenting fact-of-life, from “Your-Town Soccer” to “My kid is an honor student at Your-Town School.” If you have a bit more bumper space, and want to buck the trend of putting sensible stickers on your car, here are a few suggestions. (We had the urge to delete a few of the more risque of these, but finally decided to maintain the integrity of the set as it was sent to us.)

“The gene pool could use a little chlorine.”

“Forget about World Peace…..Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!”

“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.”

“I love cats…they taste just like chicken.”

“Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.”

“Cover me. I’m changing lanes.”

“As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.”

“Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.”

“Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.”

“I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.”

“Don’t blame me – I’m from Uranus.”

“Your kid may be an honor student but YOU’RE still an IDIOT!”

“It’s as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.”

“When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.”

“Smile – it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.”

“Friends don’t let friends drive Naked.”

“Wink, I’ll do the rest!”

“I took an IQ test and the results were negative.”

“When there’s a will, I want to be in it!”

“Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?”

“If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?”

“Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students!”

“It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.”

“Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.”

“Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.”

“Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.”

“Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.”

“I souport publik edekasion.”

“We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.”

“Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.”

“3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.”

“Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?”

“Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?”

“Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’… till you can find a rock.”

“2 + 2 = 5 for sufficiently large values of 2.”

“I like you, but I wouldn’t want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.”

“I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

QUOTES OF THE DAY
“The day after daylight savings time is the groggiest day of the year because of monkeying with our clocks. But the biggest waste of time about resetting your clocks is trying to line up that little hole in the clock with the nail in your wall.” -David Letterman

“With Washington in the middle of a budget crisis, the White House is facing criticism for spending $250,000 a year on calligraphy. You can tell you’re spending way too much money on calligraphy when you spend ANY money on calligraphy.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A Washington state mother is accused of letting her 22-month-old toddler smoke marijuana. When reached for comment the toddler said, ‘Hey, man, everybody chill out!'” -Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A Baptist pastor was presenting a children’s sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Asking questions during children’s sermons is crucial. Asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous. After the pastor asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him And the little boy said, “I’m not sure, but I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor.”

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Well, come and see a fat old man sometime.”

Answer: True Grit (1969) No ‘movie quote’ quiz would be complete without a line from The Duke. After Mattie Ross (Kim Darby) has offered him the grave site next to her’s, Rooster Cogburn (John Wayne) makes it clear he has no intention of joining her, at least anytime soon! Wayne’s only Academy Award was earned with this role.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Eliza, where the devil are my slippers?”

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decipher this rebus? toraleve

ANSWER: Elevator out of order (toraleve unscrambled makes elevator)

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
A long time ago there was a king named Joe. Joe was the king of Persia and he was angry at the king of Greece. One day Joe sent a messenger to go to Apollo’s Oracle at Delphi (a prophet) to find out if he should go to war with Greece. When the messenger returned he received this message:

To war you shall go.
From war you shall return.
Never because of war shall you perish.

1 year later, after hard fought battles, Joe loses the war and is captured in battle. The King of Greece is going to have him executed, however, Joe asks him one thing: “How is it that I am about to die, when the prophet told me otherwise?” (assume the prophet is never wrong)

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com.