WELCOME to Thursday March 28, 2013. A New Language…
The Atlanta School Board has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer pipeline through Washington, DC, by designating Southern slang, or “Hickphonics”, as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this language would be a Hickphone. The following are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:
HEIDI (noun). Greeting.
HIRE YEW (complete sentence). Remainder of greeting.
Usage: “Heidi, hire yew?”
BARD (verb). Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow”.
Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck”.
JAWJUH (noun). The state north of Florida. The capitol is Lanner.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck”.
BAMMER (noun).The state west of Jawjuh. The capitol is Berminhayum.
Usage: “A tornader jes went through Bammer an’ lef $20,000,000.00 in improvements”.
MUNTS (noun). A calendar division.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, an I ain’t herd from him in munts”.
THANK (verb). Ability to cognitively process.
Usage: “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare”.
BARE (noun). An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops an yeast.
Usage: “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare”.
IGNERT (adj). Not smart. See “Arkansas native”.
Usage: “Them Bammer boys sure is ignert!”
RANCH (noun). A tool used for tight’nin’ bolts.
Usage: “I thank I lef my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago”.
ALL (noun). A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: “I sure hope my brother from jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck”.
FAR (noun). A conflagration.
Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the all in my pickup truck, that thing’s gonna catch far”.
TAR (noun). A rubber wheel, or a tall monument.
Usage: “Lord willing’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tar in Paris sometime”.
RETARD (verb). To stop working.
Usage: “My granpaw retard at age 65”.
FAT (noun, verb) A battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.
Usage: “You younguns keep fat’n, n’ ah’m gonna whup y’uh”.
RATS (noun). Entitled power or priviledge.
Usage: “We Southerners are willing’ to fat for are rats”.
FARN (adj). Not local.
Usage: “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed . . . mus’ be from som farn country”.
DID (adj). Not alive.
Usage: “He’s did, Jim”.
EAR (noun). A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen.
Usage: “He cain’t breathe . . . give ‘im some ear!”
BOB WAR (noun). A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence”.
JEW HERE (noun & verb contraction)
Usage: “Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump’ny?”
HAZE (a contraction)
Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah . . . haze ignert. He aint’ thanked but a minnit ‘n ‘is laf”.
SEED (verb) Past tense of “to see”.
VIEW (contraction; verb & pronoun)
Usage: “I ain’t never seed New York City . . . view?”
GUMMIT (noun). A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: “Them gummit boys shore is ignert”.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.”
– Philip K. Dick
“Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?”
– James Thurber
“Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.”
– T. S. Eliot
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Progressing With Time…
2000 B.C. – Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. – That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. – That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. – That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. – That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. – That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “You cannot let him near the chest, man, trust me on this. You can mistrust me less than you can mistrust him. Trust me.”
Answer: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest! This comedic line is said by Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) to Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) when Jack, Elizabeth and Will are trying to find Davy Jones’ heart which is locked in a chest. Jack is trying to convince Will of giving the chest to him rather than to Norrington, a man who wants the chest to get a pardon and reclaim his life. The heart is Jack’s key to defeating Davy Jones. Will needs the heart to free his father, who has been committed to serving Davy Jones for life. Elizabeth is engaged to Will. This is the second movie in an extremely entertaining trilogy which also stars Keira Knightly, and Geoffrey Rush. The third movie in the series is called “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “I arrived in America’s airport with clothings, U.S dollars and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
The following are colloquialisms/idioms written in their literal form. Try to find all four.
Example: A Panthera Pardus is incapable of altering its texture. (A leopard can’t change its spots)
1. Revert to the first quadrilateral of equal sides and angles.
2. One suffering from Macular Degeneration guiding one with less than 1/10 of normal vision.
3. Restrain your multiple Equus caballus.
4. The writing utensil containing small amounts of ink is more puissant than the iron hand-held weapon.
ANSWER: 1. Back to Square One–A term meaning to go back to the beginning, or the original idea.
2. Blind leading the blind–Term which means the person in charge knows no more than the person or people he is leading.
3. Hold your Horses–Meaning be patient and to wait.
4. The pen is mightier than the sword–A phrase that means you can get more accomplished by solving your problems in a calm way, than resorting to violence.
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
1. How will you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
2. How will you put a zebra in a fridge in 4 steps?
3. The King of the Jungle, the lion, is having a wedding ceremony. All of the animals come to attend the ceremony except one. Which one is it and why doesn’t it come?
4. A man has to desperately cross the river to get from one place to the other in a jungle. The river is known for having deadly alligators in it. There is no boat. How is he going to make it to the other place?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO TWO OF OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. KIM HILLYARD AND MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING THE QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! SUPER SOLVING LADIES. 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! 
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