WELCOME to Friday March 29, 2013.  Stress-Relievers for Exhausted, Desperate Parents…

1. Pop some popcorn without putting on the lid.

2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa.

3. When someone says, “have a nice day,” tell them you’ve made other plans.

4. Make a “thing to do” list of things you have already done.

5. Pay your electric bill in pennies.

6. Drive to work in reverse.

7. Have your surname legally changed to “Your-Highness.”

8. Pound your head repeatedly on a pile of lightly toasted Wonder bread.

9. Brush your teeth vigorously with cheese whiz.

10. Read the dictionary upside-down and look for secret messages.

11. Bill your doctor for the time you spent in his waiting room.

12. Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they’re in jail.

13. Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.

14. Put your toddler’s clothes on backwards and send him off to preschool as if nothing is wrong.

15. Start a “Rodents of North America collection.”

16. Take ten dollars out of the offering plate at church and put in a note saying “You owe me, Lord.”

17. Paint a picture entitled “My Brain the Forest.”

18. Tape pictures of your boss to watermelons and launch them from high places.

19. Put a bag on your head and mark it “Closed for Remodeling.”

20. Write your next memo in Pig Latin.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY 

“I wanted to be a Boy Scout, but I had all the wrong traits. They were looking for kids who were trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Whereas I tended to be devious, fickle, obstructive, hostile, impolite, mean, defiant, glum, extravagant, dirty, and sacrilegious.” –George Carlin

“When I was a kid getting to borrow the car was a big deal. Before he handed over the keys, my dad always gave me a lecture. ‘Now I’m not giving you this car so you can screw it up.’ Well, I said to myself, then I don’t want it.” –Louie Anderson

“You can’t believe how much hard work it is to con people into thinking that you’re productive when you’re unemployed. Always thinking up things to tell them you’re going to do tomorrow, having to exaggerate every minute of your nowhere day…it’s worse than having a job. At least when you’re employed, when people ask about your day you can tell them to shut up and mind their own business.” –Drew Carey

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A flight instructor was sent out to help a trainee who had radioed that he was about to make a forced landing a few miles from the base. The instructor spotted the plane standing in a field small enough to present a real challenge to his professional reputation.  With determination, full flaps and engine just above the stall, he maneuvered into the field. Climbing out, he shouted angrily to the trainee, “Just how did you manage to get into such a small field?”  “I landed in the big field over there,” the trainee pointed, “but in order to leave room for you, I had the farmer tow me here.”

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?

What movie is this quote from??? “I arrived in America’s airport with clothings, U.S dollars and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.”

Answer: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan! This quote is, of course, said by Borat. He narrates this as he arrives in New York’s JFK airport. This is one of his more comedic lines. During the film, Borat entertains a fear of gypsies, Jews, and interestingly, cockroaches. The movie is about a man who comes to the United States in the hopes of absorbing some of its cultures and traditions. The movie follows his antics as he adjusts to the extremely different culture of Americans.  

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?

What movie is this quote from??? “I wish I knew how to quit you.”

 

Thursday’s Quizzler is……….

 1. How will you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?

2. How will you put a zebra in a fridge in 4 steps?

3. The King of the Jungle, the lion, is having a wedding ceremony. All of the animals come to attend the ceremony except one. Which one is it and why doesn’t it come?

4. A man has to desperately cross the river to get from one place to the other in a jungle. The river is known for having deadly alligators in it. There is no boat. How is he going to make it to the other place?

ANSWER: 1. Step one: Open the fridge

Step two: Put the elephant inside

Step three: Close the fridge

 

2. Step one: Open the fridge

Step two: Take the elephant out

Step three: Put the zebra inside

Step four: Close the fridge

 

3. Zebra, because he is inside the fridge

 

4. He will simply swim through the river, as all the alligators have gone to attend the lion’s wedding ceremony. 

Friday’s Quizzler is……….

The following sentences have two blanks that can be filled with two words that are anagrams of each other. Please find those words. 

 

1. In the TV commercial, an indignant woman __________ the salesman because she has been unable to obtain the promised __________. 

 

2. The game went into triple overtime. The quarterback was exhausted and knew this was no time for his team to ______ energy. They were so dehydrated that they weren’t even able to ______. 

 

3. The famous mathematician __________ that he had invented a new __________ system.

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.