WELCOME to Monday April 29, 2013. Occupational Descriptions….
An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a “brief.”
A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.
A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
” As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two… “
Sir Norman Wisdom
” One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money. “
Edgar Watson Howe
” A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! “
Doug Larson
” A harmful truth is always better then..a useful lie! “
Eric Bolton
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. ” Erno Philips
” I only go to work on days that don’t end in a ‘y’. “
Robert Paul
” We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. ” Phyllis Diller
“Laughter is the closest distance between two people. “
Victor Borge
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words. (This was before the time of letter writing or sign language.) One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love. With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say “my darling”. But at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5). But at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking. Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds. Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily, “My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?” And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said: “Pardon?”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? Character 1: “Why didn’t you tell me you’re some kind of Alaskan Kennedy?”
Character 2: “We were in the middle of talking about you…for the last three years.”
Answer: The Proposal! This exchange between Margaret and Andrew took place near the beginning of the film, as the pair arrived in Andrew’s hometown of Sitka, Alaska. Having previously though of her assistant as nothing more than a servant, Margaret was surprised to discover his wealthy and influential roots. The plot of the 2009 film, “The Proposal”, revolved around the development of an unlikely romantic relationship between executive editor in chief, Margaret Tate, (played by Sandra Bullock), and her assistant, Andrew Paxton, (played by Ryan Reynolds). As Andrew’s boss, Margaret was always cold and dismissive, until the day she was threatened with deportation, due to her expired visa. Desperate to hold on to her job, Margaret begged Andrew to marry her so that she could stay in the country, even going so far as agreeing to make Andrew an editor and publishing his book in the process.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “You may be able to bully some of the chicks in this school, but this chick has been bullied by one Johnny Nogarelli for the last time. I may not be the classiest chick in this school, but I’m the best you’re ever gonna get. So take it or leave it!”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is illustrated here?
Injection 1: Rumour Shot
Patient: “That tickles.”
Injection 2: Hearsay Shot
Patient: “Didn’t feel it.”
Injection 3: Fact Shot
Patient: “Ouch!”
ANSWER: The truth hurts.
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Answer the following with parts of the body. The first one is free!
1. A strong box (chest)
2. Heard in congress while voting
3. Baby cows
4. A shellfish
5. A unit used to measure distance
6. Scholars
7. Part of a shoe
8. What every builder must have
9. Something made by whips
10. What soldiers carry
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!
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