WELCOME to Monday May 6, 2013. Parking Lot Rules………
Rule #1 – When waiting for a parking spot, stop in the middle of the road, don’t signal, and orient your car diagonally to prevent others from passing.
Rule #2 – Always park on the lines, taking up as many spots as possible. Diagonal parking is preferred.
Rule #3 – In a crowded parking lot, if you find a spot and have the opportunity to pull through to an adjacent one, drive up half way and stop on the line, taking both.
Rule #4 – As you pull into a spot, if you see that the space ahead of you is empty and you see another driver signaling to take it, pull though and take it from him.
Rule #5 – Always park close enough to the adjacent car so that the other driver must grease up with Vaseline to squeeze into his/her car.
Rule #6 – When getting out of your car, hit the adjacent vehicle with your door really hard.
Rule #7 – When driving through the parking lot, ignore the painted lanes and drive diagonally from one end to another at a high rate of speed.
Rule #8 – When stopped in front of a store and waiting for a friend/relative to make a purchase, make sure that you are stopped in the middle of the road. The same rules applies to picking-up and discharging passengers.
Rule #9 – When a vehicle from the opposite direction is signaling and waiting for a parking space, position your car so that you are in his way and let the car behind you take it.
Rule #10 – If you have Handicap license plates, use up a regular parking spot.
Rule #11 – If you hit the adjacent car with your door and leave a dent, wait for a car, which is painted the same color as yours, to drive down the aisle looking for a place to park. Then back out, giving up your spot like “Mr. Good Guy” and park somewhere else.
Rule #12 – If the vehicle in front of you stops to let a pedestrian cross or another vehicle turn, pull into the lane of opposite traffic and attempt to pass him.
Rule #13 – deleted…for those who are superstitious
Rule #14 – When exiting a shopping center into a busy road, exit through the narrow “ENTER ONLY” driveway, stick the nose of the car into traffic, and wait.
Rule #15 – When driving through a parking lot with alternating one-way aisles and angled parking spots, drive the wrong way. Then when you see a parking space, take 20 minutes to do a 12-point turn to pull into it.
Rule #16 – Always leave your shopping cart behind or tightly between parked vehicles.
Rule #17 – Empty your ashtrays on the ground in shopping center parking lots. While your at it, dump out all the garbage too including that Wendy’s or McDonald’s bag sitting in the back seat from breakfast.
Rule #18 – If you are forced to change an infant’s diaper in a parking lot, leave the soiled diaper under the car next to you.
Rule #19 – When another vehicle is waiting for you to pull out of a spot in a crowded parking lot, take your time. Adjust the mirrors, your seat, and the radio. Roll down your window, light a cigarette, and eat your lunch. Feel free to go through your shopping bags and look at what you just bought.
Rule #20 – When pulling into a parking spot, if there is a shopping cart in the way, lightly tap it with your bumper and send it rolling into an adjacent car. Then, when you step out, if the cart is still too close, push it down the parking lot aisle and let it go. While the cart is flying solo, turn around and walk toward the stores.
Rule #21 – When walking back to your car in a busy shopping center, gesture to other drivers waiting for a spot to make them think that you are getting in the car and leaving. Then walk between the cars to the next aisle and do it again.
Rule #22 – When holiday shopping at the mall, which requires you to load your bags into the car and go back in to do more shopping, do NOT tell the driver who is sitting patiently watching you load your car and signaling for your spot.
Rule #23 – When walking back to your car, if you notice other shoppers walking past your car to get to theirs, press the buttons on your keychain remote so that your car’s alarm makes a sudden loud “BLOOP BLEEP” that scares the crap out of them.
Rule #24 – If you don’t see a speed limit sign posted in the malls parking lot, there isn’t any!
Rule #25 – If you back into a parked car, and the driver isn’t with it, take out a piece of paper & start writing. This is especially effective if there are 15-20 witnesses. On a piece of paper write, “There were ___ witnesses when I hit your car. They think I’m writing my name address, phone #, insurance information, etc., on this paper. But I’m not!”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 
QUOTES OF THE DAY
” Start every day with a smile and get it over with. “
W.C. Fields
” Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. “
Will Rogers
” Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day. “
Mickey Rooney
” Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work or prison. “
Tim Allen
” I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens. “
Woody Allen
” Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t. “
Erica Jong
” Don’t take life too seriously, you’ll never get out of it alive. “
Elbert Hubbard
” Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. “
Wendell Johnson
” In life, it’s not who you know that’s important, it’s how your wife found out. “
Joey Adams
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A committed atheist (that’s someone who steadfastly does not believe in a god of any sort) was on a trekking holiday when he became lost in some dense woods. A large angry bear, with ten starving cubs back home and claws like kitchen knives, suddenly emerged from the undergrowth. The atheist screamed in terror, turned and ran,the bear was quicker however, and after a long and desperate chase eventually cornered the atheist in a gully. The exhausted atheist sank to his knees, shaking. The bear, seeing that its prey was trapped, moved slowly towards the petrified man, drooling. The bear was drooling too. The atheist lifted his head, with tears in his eyes, and uttered the words he thought he would never say in all his life: “God help me…” With these simple three words, a blinding flash of lightning lit up the sky, there was a deafening crash of thunder, the clouds parted.
A brilliant light shone down. The forest fell silent, the bear froze still, in a trance. The atheist stood gaping, transfixed. A voice came loud from above, louder than twenty AC/DC concerts all happening at the same time. We can safely assume this voice to have been the voice of a god of some sort. “You atheists make me seriously mad,” boomed the god, “You deny me all your life. You tell others to deny me too. You put your faith in all that bloody Darwinian airy-fairy scientific nonsense, and then what a surprise – you get lost because you can’t read your stupid map, and now you’re about to get eaten by an angry bear all of a sudden you’re on your knees sniveling and begging for my help?……… You must be joking…” The atheist looked down, realizing that he was not arguing from a position of strength. “Okay, I take your point,” said the atheist, thinking on his feet, while he still had them, “I can see it’s a bit late for me to convert, but what about the bear?… Maybe you could convert the bear instead?”
“Hmmn… interesting idea…” said the god, thinking hard, “…Okay. It shall be done.” At which the brilliant light dimmed and vanished; the clouds closed; and the noises of the forest resumed. The bear awoke and shook its head, a completely different expression on its face. Calm, at peace. The bear closed its eyes, bowed its head, and said, “For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful, Amen..”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “What are you gonna do with those pies, boys?”
Answer: Killer Klowns From Outer Space! This priceless gem is about some killer klowns from outer space (which you would never guess from the title). They come to earth to turn everyone into cotton candy and then have themselves a snack. Seriously. They eventually wind up at an amusement park (if you were a klown, where would you go?), and the security guard there asks this question of the klowns. He couldn’t have been too thrilled with the answer – they killed him.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “You’re so cool, Brewster!
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
In a country, there are over 100 streets. Street 1 is named First Street, street 2 is named Second Street, and so on and so forth.
A traveller decides to walk through all these streets in the country. He could find all the streets except Street 62. No matter how hard he tried, he could not find it.
He later found that the locals had given the street another name.
What is the name?
ANSWER: Minute street. This is because Street 62 is named Sixty Second Street, and Sixty Seconds = 1 Minute, hence Street 62 is also called Minute Street.
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
I’m the smallest of my kind, no doubt about that;
Compared to my brothers, I seem like a rat.
A blue face have I, a blue face, you know;
It’s awfully cold here, with poisonous snow.
My name came from a god, a god with great might;
Although you know of me, I’m way out of your sight.
What am I?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! 
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Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.
The World According to the Eucman! 