WELCOME to Wednesday May 8, 2013. Helpful Tips to Make Life Simple …….. 

* Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don’t know. 

 

* Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb. 

 

* Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally. 

 

* No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off. 

 

* Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected). 

 

* If a person is choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed. 

 

* Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman! 

 

QUOTES OF THE DAY 

“A woman in Florida crashed her car into a Target store. But in her defense, the store did have a giant target on it.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Health experts have named Mississippi the fattest state in the Union. The state bird of Mississippi? The fried chicken.” -Jay Leno

“A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn’t sound too bad to me. You’d probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway.” -Jimmy Kimmel

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?”  The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.” “What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter.  “My ex-wife.” replied the hunter. 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?

What movie is this quote from???  “I’m the biggest hypocrite of them all – I used preservatives!”

 

Answer: Motel Hell! It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent’s fritters! In “Motel Hell”, we find Farmer Vincent (the one and only Rory Calhoun) running a motel and selling his famous smoked meats(2+2=they’re made from humans planted in the ground). These are the last words of Farmer Vincent, after he loses a chainsaw fight with his brother.  

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Come to sweet Henrietta!”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

 Can you decipher the musical instruments represented below?

 

1. P O   2. BA BA   3. ECLART   4. @ # $ %

 

ANSWER:  1. Piano (P and O)  2. Tuba (Two BA)  3. Clarinet (CLAR in ET)  4. Cymbals (Symbols)

 

 

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….

In Animal world all the best competitors from all over the world are warming up for the big animal olympics.

The first olympic games is the 100 meter dash. Can you figure out who is which animal, and how they placed?

Names- Tina, Aaron, John, Jessica, and Jamie

Animals- dog, cat, horse, mouse, and monkey

Clues:

1. Aaron finished either 2nd or 3rd.

2. The animal that finished 2nd was the monkey.

3. Aaron is not a cat or mouse.

4. Jamie is not a cat or monkey.

5. Jamie did not finish 4th or 5th.

6. The animal that finished 4th is not the cat or dog.

7. Neither John nor Jessica finished 4th.

8. John is the horse.

9. Jessica finished in 3rd.

 

 

 

Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. www.Eucman.freedom10.com.