WELCOME to Tuesday May 28, 2013. Political Philosophies Explained in Simple Two-Cow Terms
SOCIALISM You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.
FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.
BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.
CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
CORPORATE You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows, then act surprised when it drops dead.
DEMOCRACY You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to pay the taxes to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“In Pennsylvania, a couple stabbed each other in an argument over who should win ‘American Idol.’ At last we finally know why ‘American Idol’ is losing so many viewers. They’re killing each other.” -Conan O’Brien
“Pope Francis made an extremely controversial statement. He says he believes anyone can go to heaven if you do good deeds, even atheists. It would be fun to let atheists into heaven if for no other reason than to see the look on their faces when they get there.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Amtrak trains may soon have special cars where passengers can sit with their pets. Though it’ll be awkward when you try to talk to your cat and he just slips on his headphones.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
One of our projects at military leadership school called for us to speak in front of the class on a topic picked by our instructor. A classmate gave an impassioned speech on the benefits of drinking liquor. Alcohol, he insisted, warded off colds, kept you alert, and even made you steadier on your feet.
“Good job,” said our instructor when he finished. “Only one thing: Your topic was the benefits of drinking liquids, not liquor.”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Conrad. Let’s have a great Christmas. Let’s have… a great year. Let’s have the best year of our whole lives. We can, you know… this could be the best one ever.”
Answer: Ordinary People! This scene takes place at a restauarant where Karen (Dinah Manoff) encourages Conrad (Timothy Hutton) to put their memories of the mental institution they were in behind them and try to make the present the best time of their lives. Sadly Karen kills herself a few days later.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???”That punk pulled a Glock 7 on me. You know what that is? It’s a porcelain gun made in Germany. Doesn’t show up on your airport X-ray machines, here, and it cost more than you make in a month.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Rearrange the letters to form new words, phrases, places, or names.
The words in parentheses are hints.
ONE ON ALP (conqueror)
SEEK A PHRASE (playful fellow)
KNEE CRUTCH ART (great ballet)
NONE MISTER (soup)
TOXIC NAME (April agony)
HE BUGS GORE
ANSWER: ONE ON ALP – Napoleon
SEEK A PHRASE – Shakespeare
KNEE CRUTCH ART – The Nutcracker
NONE MISTER – minestrone
TOXIC NAME – income tax
HE BUGS GORE – George Bush
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
At a train station in Sydney, Australia, an intelligent rich man was awaiting his upper class rail transport. He was sorting through his wallet and pulled out credit cards, receipts, and $200 in cash.
An egotistical scam artist (and a talented one at that) approached the man and said to him, “I’ll bet you, on all the money in your wallet, that I can get a packet of chips out of that snack machine without inserting any money!”
The rich man, who was intrigued by this ‘talent’, readily agreed.
The scam artist walked over to the snack dispenser, stuck his hand up through the compartments, and a chip packet fell out.
The rich man was amazed, but being a faithful businessman, stuck to his word, yet the scam artist walked off without a penny.
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com.
The World According to the Eucman! 