WELCOME to Tuesday June 4, 2013. What is a Paraprosdokian? A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently used in a humorous situation.
“Where there’s a will, I want to be in it,” OR “Where there’s a will, there’s relatives,” is a type of paraprosdokian.
Ok, so now enjoy!
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening,’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paycheques.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“A new study found that heavy drinkers outlive non-drinkers, but the ways they die are a lot more embarrassing.” -Jimmy Fallon
There has been a lot of talk about conserving energy. Like keeping the thermostat down in the winter. Using low energy bulbs. Turning off lights. Using less gas. It made me realize, my dad was like the first environmentalist. He would walk around the house yelling, ‘turn off those lights! Turn the heat down!’ He was green before his time.” -Jay Leno
“My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married. She keeps asking me if I can support her, but she knows I can…she’s always on my back.” –Scott Wood
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
In a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:
If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?
Among the many raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what HE would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay on board. With his team’s software, he reasoned, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the end of the runway, let alone leave the ground!
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “No, Roland… I crashed my van into Jesus! Okay? I have a pimple the size of Jupiter! I am NOT okay! This is not how I wanted to remember my Prom. This is not how I wanted to remember my life.”
Answer: Saved! This quote by Hillary Faye (Mandy Moore) is spoken to her brother Roland (Macauley Culkin) after he asks her if she is okay after crashing her van into the giant Jesus statue in the school’s parking lot.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Henry, I’ve spent a lot of time guarding people all over the world, and I’ve found one thing to be true – no matter how incompetent the assassins, no matter how much they miss their target, there’s always one person who always gets hit…the cocky black chauffeur.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
A man is sitting in a pub feeling rather poor. He sees the man next to him pull a wad of £50 notes out of his wallet.
He turns to the rich man and says to him,
“I have an amazing talent; I know almost every song that has ever existed.”
The rich man laughs.
The poor man says, “I am willing to bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a genuine song with a lady’s name of your choice in it.”
The rich man laughs again and says, “OK, how about my daughter’s name, Joanna Armstrong-Miller?”
The rich man goes home poor. The poor man goes home rich. What song did he sing?
ANSWER: “Happy Birthday” This song can be sung with anyone’s name in it.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What’s so peculiar about this sentence?
I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting; nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality, counterbalancing indecipherability, transcendentalizes intercommunications’ incomprehensibleness.
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com.
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