WELCOME to Tuesday June 11, 2013. APHORISMS….. Aphorism. Pronounced: a-fu.ri-zum…(Axiom, Truism, Proverb, Saying, Maxim, Precept, Adage, Dictum, etc)
APHORISM:
[A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH. ]
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. – like, it could be the right number.
13. No one ever says ‘It’s only a game.” when their team is winning.
14. I’ve reached the age where ‘happy hour’ is a nap..
15. Be careful about reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies !)
18. Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Subaru.
19. After 65, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you’re probably dead…
20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind and the ones that mind don’t matter.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Pope Francis said that atheists are still eligible to go to heaven. To return the favor, atheists said Popes are still eligible to go into a void of nothingness.” -Conan O’Brien
“New York City always has something going on. And you know what it is right now? The bike-sharing program. You get on a bike, you ride it, and then a half hour later you pass it to somebody else. And if you’re lucky, you won’t need antibiotics.” -Dave Letterman
“Starbucks is now banning smoking within 25 feet of its stores. It will get even worse for smokers once they realize every Starbucks is about 25 feet from another Starbucks.” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A worker in the reference department of the Library of Congress received a call asking the meaning of the phrase “without recourse.” He consulted a legal dictionary and furnished this definition, “Said of a signer of a document when he takes no responsibility for the face of the document.”
“Thank you,” said the voice at the other end of the wire. “I have an autographed photograph of Coolidge. It’s signed, “Without recourse, Calvin Coolidge.”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Men, you are about to embark on a great crusade to stamp out runaway decency in the west. Now you men will only be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost certain Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor.”
Answer: Blazing Saddles! This quote comes from the scene where Lamarr (Korman) is dispatching all of the outlaws to Rock Ridge to wipe out the town.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “A pinch is a device which creates, like, a cardiac arrest for any broadband electrical circuitry. Better yet, a pinch is a bomb – now, but without the bomb. See, when a nuclear weapon detonates, it unleashes an electromagnetic pulse which shuts down any power source within its blast radius. Now that tends not to matter in most cases, because the nuclear weapon usually destroys anything you might need power for anyway. But see, a pinch creates a similar electromagnetic pulse, but without the fuss of mass destruction and death. So instead of Hiroshima, you’d be getting the seventeenth century.”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What popular TV show is represented below?
MyForgottenChildhoodSweetheart.doc
MyOldCollegeGirlfriend.exe
MyDivorcedWife.bat
ANSWER: “The X-Files.” The Ex(Ex-wife, girlfriends etc)-Files (files of a computer).
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What is special about this letter arrangement?
umop
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,
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