WELCOME to Friday June 14, 2013. Fallacious Forewarnings….
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom)
“Do not turn upside down.”
On Sainsbury’s peanuts —
“Warning: contains nuts.”
(talk about a newsflash)
On Boot’s childrens cough medicine
“Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding
“Product will be hot after heating.”
On a Sears hairdryer
“Do not use while sleeping.”
On a bag of Doritos
“You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”
On a bar of Dial soap
“Directions: Use like regular soap.”
On some Swanson frozen dinners
“Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
On packaging for a Rowenta iron
“Do not iron clothes on body.”
On Nytol Sleep Aid
“Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
On most brands of Christmas lights
“For indoor or outdoor use only.”
(What are other doors prohibited?)
On a Japanese food processor
“Not to be used for the other use.”
On an American Airlines packet of nuts
“Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”
On a child’s Superman costume
“Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
On a Swedish chainsaw
“Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Father Days weekend people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“More problems for the IRS. Isn’t that the feel-good story of the year? They wasted $50 million over a two-year period on conferences and retreats for employees. They even spent $11,000 on a happiness expert. I have an idea how to make them happier. How about stopping making everybody else’s life miserable? Start with that!” -Jay Leno
“This week, Apple introduced a new laptop that supposedly has an all-day battery. Here’s how it works, don’t turn on your laptop all day.” -Jimmy Fallon
“It has come out that the summer interns at Google make about $6,000 per month. The news was reported to me by the interns at this show.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items.
Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Oh come off it, MAJOR. You put me right off my fresh fried lobster, do you realize that? I’m now going to go back to my bed, I’m going to put away the best part of a bottle of scotch… And under normal circumstances, you being normally what I would call a very attractive woman, I would have invited you back to share my little bed with me you might possibly have come. But you really put me off. I mean you… You’re what we call a regular army clown.”
Answer: M*A*S*H! This quote comes from the scene where Hawkeye (Sutherland) responds to Hoolihan’s (Sally Kellerman) declaration that his informal manner is not conducive to good miltary surgery.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Oh, that’s my little incentive program. These boys have to earn their do… their hair-do that is. Heh,Heh,Heh.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
I could be on the river or in the desert
I could be in the swamp or a sparkling city
I am rather rectangular and can make lots of noise
I have bright lights and pictures too
They bring their cups and buckets and feed me well
They want me all to themselves quite greedily
When finally I am full and can take no more
I am suddenly everyone’s new best friend
What am I?
ANSWER: I am a slot machine. In a casino, people carry their coins around in cups and buckets. True gamblers will feed the same machine for hours to hit the jackpot. When a slot machine is full or reaches its set level, it pays out. Everyone comes rushing over to see the machine paying the jackpot. Slot machines are usually shown or thought of having fruit in the window
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What expression is hidden here?
Happiness: Sprinting and shouting “Lalalalalala!”
Sadness: Jogging quickly and screaming “Woo yay woo yay”
Elation: Bounding along cackling “Heeeeheeeeheeee”
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,
The World According to the Eucman! 