WELCOME to Monday July 1, 2013. Summary of Life….GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats..
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground..
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional..
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
We grow small trying to be great.
David Hockney
We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end.
Benjamin Disraeli
Fine art is knowledge made visible.
Gustave Courbet
It appears to be a law that you cannot have a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
Henry David Thoreau
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Henry A. Kissinger
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
If you EVER, EVER, find a woman who is beautiful,
has a great body,
is intelligent,
gets things done on her own,
drives a car well,
has very little expectations,
is not materialistic
and loves you with crazy devotion..
then assume,
that the alcohol you have consumed is of the highest quality.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “There’s no good reason, there’s no bad reason to live or die.”
Answer: “Collateral” is a great movie about a hitman who inveigles a cab driver to drive him around to take care of all of his hits for the night! Tom Cruise is excellent as Vincent, the cold calculating hitman, as is Jamie Foxx who plays the unsuspecting cab driver. The brilliant Michael Mann is the director.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “There is a flip side to that coin. What if you do got me boxed in and I gotta put you down? Cause no matter what, you will not get in my way. We’ve been face to face, yeah but I will not hesitate, not for a second.”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
At the wedding reception, there are five guests, Colin, Emily, Kate, Fred, and Irene, who are not sure where to sit at the dinner table. They ask the bride’s mother, who responds, “As I remember, Colin is not next to Kate, Emily is not next to Fred or Kate.Neither Kate or Emily are next to Irene. And Fred should sit on Irene’s left.” As you look at them from the opposite side of the table, can you correctly seat the guests from left to right?
ANSWER: They are seated, left to right, as you face them, in the following order.
Emily, Colin, Irene, Fred, Kate
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What is the meaning of this rebus?
cannon
ordnance
artillery
torpedo
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,
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