WELCOME to Wednesday July 3, 2013. A Mans Guide to Tools..DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, ‘Oh darn’
SKIL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle… It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. It’s best use is for igniting new seat covers.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.
Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
SON OF A _____ TOOL :
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling ‘Son of a ____’ at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need, and at times must be retrieved from across the road.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.”
–Bob Hope
“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.”
–Benjamin Franklin
“The older I get, the greater power I seem to have to help the world; I am like a snowball – the further I am rolled, the more I gain.”
–Susan B. Anthony
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Telling a lie is a
Sin for a child..
Fault for an adult.
An art for a lover.
A profession for a lawyer.
A requirement for a politician.
A Management tool for a Boss.
An accomplishment for a bachelor.
An excuse for a subordinate and………. A Matter of Survival for a married man.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “So then, if you spot me comin’ round that corner…you just gonna walk out on this woman? Not say goodbye?”
Answer: Heat (Again!) Al Pacino plays the part in “Heat” of the detective who is in charge of the investigation into an elaborate heist. The story is cleverly woven and you get an insight into the two mens’ lives. The detective has been married twice and is heading for another divorce because he is never at home and the crook has no time for women because of his job. At the end of the film, when the detective kills the crook, he realises that he had more in common with him than he had ever had with any of his wives.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Freddy, as a younger man, I was a sculptor, a painter, and a musician. There was just one problem: I wasn’t very good. As a matter of fact, I was dreadful. I finally came to the frustrating conclusion that I had taste and style, but not talent. I knew my limitations. We all have our limitations, Freddy. Fortunately, I discovered that taste and style were commodities that people desired. Freddy, what I am saying is: know your limitations. You are a moron.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Following are groups of three words. Can you figure out the common link within each group?
Example: Hurricane, camera, needle (answer: eyes)
1: Barber, Rooster, Beehive
2: Bowling Alley, Tailor, Wrestling Match
3: Telephone, Deck of Cards, Car Trunk
4: Fishing Rod, Actor, Checkout Counter
5: Watermelon, Tennis Tournament, Idea
ANSWER: 1: Combs 2: Pins 3: Jacks 4: Lines 5: Seeds
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
I’m as plain to see as black & white.
I prefer to roam about at night.
Just don’t attack or startle me,
Or odiferous emissions may result, you see.
I’m an omnivore, yes it’s true.
But what’s my name? Tell me, do.
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! INCREDIBLE SOLVING JOB BANKS! 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers& Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,
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