WELCOME to Tuesday August 13, 2013. Funny one liners…..
* Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.
* There are two rules for success: 1.) Don’t tell all you know
* When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
* If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success
* Forgive and forget, but keep a list of names just in case
* If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?
* For sale: parachute, only used once, never opened, small red stain.
* Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
* I want patience – AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
* As I said before, I never repeat myself
* Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache
* If you can’t drink and drive, why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do today, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Researchers at the University of Chicago say that dolphins, not elephants, have the longest memories in the animal kingdom. They confirmed this when a dolphin was upset that an elephant it had met 20 years ago didn’t even recognize him.” -Jay Leno
“A scientist has figured out a way to turn coffee grounds into alcohol. He is not so much a scientist as he is an alcoholic.” -Conan O’Brien
“The third-largest lottery drawing in the U.S. took place last night, a Powerball jackpot worth $448 million. The jackpot will be split between three winners. After taxes and jet skis, I think the winnings work out to $148.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him.
He asked his father, “How does this boat float?”
The father thought for a moment, then replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”
The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, “How do fish breathe underwater?”
Once again the father replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”
A little later the boy asked his father, “Why is the sky blue?”
Again, the father replied. “Don’t rightly know, son.”
Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, “Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?”
“Of course not, son. If you don’t ask questions, you’ll never learn anything!”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Where did you come from, Planet Loser?” “As opposed to Planet Look At Me, Look At Me?”
Answer: “10 Things I Hate About You” is about two sisters, Kat and Bianca, whose father makes a rule that they are not allowed to date whilst they are still at school. As Kat shows no interest in dating, her father changes the rule to say that Bianca can date if Kat does. This starts a plot at school, by Cameron and Michael, to find someone who will date Kat, who does not appear easy to please, so that Cameron can date Bianca! Bianca says “Where did you come from, Planet Loser?” to her sister, Kat, who chooses not to show any interest in dating anyone, and Bianca cannot understand why. Kat then replies “As opposed to Planet Look At Me, Look At Me?” because Bianca likes to be popular at school. These quotes are said just before Kat and Bianca’s father changes the rule that the girls cannot date, to the rule that Bianca can date if Kat does.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “There’s pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. That’s about it.”
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What are these?
1st January 2003 800 x 600 pixels
1st January 2004 1280 x1024 pixels
1st January 2005 1600 x 1200 pixels
ANSWER: New Years Resolutions, The pixel measurements refer to settings of computer monitor resolutions.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Take the list of words below and arrange them into 3 sentences that all have something in common. Each word is only used once for each time it appears in the list. Punctuation is not an issue in this teaser in the initial placement of words. Only names are capitalized to start with.
DAD, LET, LETS, LEW, MARGE, MISSES, NO, NORAH, ORDERED, ROSES, SEE, SHARON’S, SIMON, TELEGRAM, TELL, WE’LL,
What are the sentences and what do they have in common?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS FOR SOLVING THE QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! NICE WORK BANKS! 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,
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