WELCOME to Wednesday October 2, 2013. Why we love children.
1) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
“Mama, look what I found,” the boy called out.
“What have you got there, dear?”
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!”
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
“Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, “Are you a cop?”
“Yes,” I answered and continued writing the report.
“My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.Is that right?”
“Yes, that’s right,” I told her.
“Well, then, “she said as she extended her foot toward me, “would you please tie my shoe?”
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
“Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked.
“It sure is,” I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ” What’d he do?”
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs .
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!”
8 ) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.”
“And why not, darling?”
” You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning. “
9) DEATH (I liked this one – Lorraine)
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: “Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes.”
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
“I’m just wasting my time,” she said to her mother . “I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk!”
11) NUDITY
A lady was driving with her three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark without clothes!
As she was reeling from the shock, she heard her 5-year-old shout from the back seat, “Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Wednesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny’s while sober.” -Conan O’Brien
“At the U.N. this week, President Obama met with the president of Nigeria, who advised President Obama to eliminate America’s debt by sending out fraudulent emails.” -Jay Leno
“The post office is raising the price of stamps again. I heard that and said to myself, ‘If only there was an inexpensive electronic way of communicating.'” -Dave Letterman
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
When my granddaughter, Ann, was 9-years-old, she was given an assignment by her teacher to write a story on “Where my family came from.” The purpose was to understand your genealogy.
I was not aware of her assignment when she asked me at the dining room table one night,
“Grandma, where did I come from?”
I responded quite nervously because my son and daughter-in- law were out of town and I was stalling until they returned home, “Well, honey, the stork brought you.”
“Where did Mom come from then?”
“The stork brought her, too.”
“OK, then…. where did you come from?”
“The stork brought me too, dear.”
“Okay, thanks, Grandma.”
I did not think anything more about it until two days later when I was cleaning Ann’s room and read the first sentence of her paper… “For three generations there have been no natural births in our family.”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “They’re all going to laugh at you.”
Answer: Carrie! Margret White, Carrie’s mother says this before Carrie’s date comes to pick her up for the senior prom. She knows that Carrie has been the butt of many jokes by her peers in high school. She thinks that this, being asked to the senior prom by a popular boy, is another cruel joke being played on her daughter. “Carrie” (1976) is based on the Stephen King novel by the same name. “Carrie” is about a high school girl who is tormented by her peers. When she goes to the senior prom, a bucket of pig’s blood is dumped on her by one of the class bullies. Carrie is a telekentic, and ends up destroying the town, after destroying the high school in a rage.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? “Play it faster. Play it faster.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
The following 15 words can be divided into 5 groups of 3 words. The words in each trio will share a similar characteristic. What are the groupings? Why?
astern, bony, con, deal, land, lien, nit, pending, pinion, range, slander, steroid, tile, vary, venue
ANSWER: Each word can be prefixed with a vowel. Each grouping can be prefixed with the same vowel.
a) lien (alien), steroid (asteroid), venue (avenue)
e) astern (eastern), bony (ebony), land (eland)
i) con (icon), deal (ideal), slander (islander)
o) pinion (opinion), range (orange), vary (ovary)
u) nit (unit), pending (upending), tile (utile)
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is this?
Stock list
3 x Mile (Expires 25/11/04)
2 x Tile (Expires 4/4/05)
2 x While (No Expiration Date)
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,
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