WELCOME to Monday October 28, 2013. Come on Smiles, your killing me!
Q. What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
A. Stick with me and we’ll go places!
Q. What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
A. “I find you very attractive.”
Q. What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
A. “You’re fun to hang around with.”
Q. What did one light bulb say to the other?
A. “I love you a whole watt!”
Q. What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
A. “I love you a ton!”
Q. What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
A. “I’m sweet on you!”
Q. Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
A. Sure, they’re very scent-imental!
Q. What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
A. “I love you with all my art!”
Q. What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
A. He gives it a valenshine!
Q. What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse?
A. “I’ve got a crutch on you!”
Q. Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?
A. It was a case of guppy love.
Q. What do you call two birds in love?
A. Tweethearts!
Q. Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending?
A. Because they needed to be ad-dressed!
Q. Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration?
A. Because you can really party hearty!
Q. What did one oar say to the other?
A. “Can I interest you in a little row-mance?”
Q. What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?
A. It made him wed his plants!
Q. What happened when the two angels got married?
A. They lived harpily ever after!
Q. Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?
A. Because you always heart the one you love!
Girl : “I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons.”
Boy : “Really?”
Girl : “Yeah, you make me sick!”
Q. Why didn’t Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer’s heart?
A. Because even Cupid can’t hit a target that small!
Q. Why do men like love at first sight ?
Answer from a Female : It saves them a lot of time !
Answer from a Male : Love will vanish when she open her mouth !
Q. Why man holds a woman’s hand ?
A.1 : before marriage, it is love;
A.2 : after marriage, it is self-defense !
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“The Obama administration has now asked Verizon to help fix the Obamacare website. Verizon wasn’t the president’s first choice. He initially reached out to T-Mobile, but they dropped the call.” –Jay Leno
“Consumer Reports is now recommending that people sit back and wait a few weeks until the government fixes the problems. Really, a few weeks? When was the last time the government fixed anything in a few weeks? We still have troops in Korea, OK?” –Jay Leno
“A new book claims that John F. Kennedy’s brain was stolen by his brother Bobby. That seems almost unbelievable, doesn’t it? – that there was once a time in this country when politicians actually had brains worth stealing.” –Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”
“Of course. What may I do for you?”
“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through
Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”
“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”
“I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father.”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? “Just remember what ol’ Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right in the eye and says, ‘Give me your best shot. I can take it.'”
Answer: Big Trouble in Little China! Truck driver Jack Burton (Kurt Russell) gets dragged into a bizarre adventure in San Francisco’s Chinatown that involves magic, kung-fu street gangs, unearthly monsters, and anything else that director John Carpenter could squeeze into this joyride of a film.
These last lines are spoken by Jack into the CB radio in his truck — he is essentially bragging to anyone who might be listening about his recent triumph over the forces of evil and his overall “tough guy” persona. What he doesn’t know is that one of the “monsters” from Chinatown has stowed away in the back of his truck. The film ends with the monster revealing itself to the audience, and presumably working its way toward the cab of the truck to give Jack yet more trouble!
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘A lot of alliteration from anxious anchors placed in powerful posts!’
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
What common phrase is represented below?
IGAR
CIGR
CGAR
CIGA
CIAR
ANSWER: Close, but no cigar.
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
One hot afternoon two friends were out relaxing on the back porch.
“Would you like some iced tea?” one man asked his friend.
“Oh yes as long as it is good and cold.”
The host then brought his friend a large glass of iced tea and dropped two small ice cubes in it.
His friend took a sip and remarked, “It’s not very cold.”
“Give it a minute,” the host said.
The iced tea then appeared to start boiling. After a minute or so the ice melted, the boiling stopped, and the glass was ice cold.
The man took a sip and thanked his friend for the very cool drink.
So what made the iced tea cool in this unusual way ?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com,
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