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WELCOME to Monday December 16, 2013.
BRILLIANT WAYS GIRLS TURN GUYS DOWN!!
HE: I’m a photographer I’ve been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like
yours!!
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I’d like to have some pleasure too!!!
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I’m having a headache this weekend!!!
HE: Go on, don’t be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!
HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time!!!
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don’t you already have one?
HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I’ve already seen it!!!
HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
HE: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, thats why I don’t go there anymore.
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .
HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I’m a female impersonator.
HE: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great Monday, and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“A federal judge has ruled that President Obama’s Kenyan uncle may remain in the United Sates. The judge also ruled that President Obama’s Kenyan uncle is an amazing name for a band.” –Conan O’Brien
“Pope Francis was named Time magazine’s person of the year, and today he performed his first miracle – he got people to buy Time magazine.” –Conan O’Brien
“The world said goodbye today to Nelson Mandela. And what a life he lived. He spent 27 years in prison and then ascended to become president of his country. He went from prison to politics. It was exactly the opposite of how we do it in this country.” –Jay Leno
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A middle aged man bought a brand new convertible Porsche. He took off down the road, pushed it up to 160 and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair.
“This is great,” he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. But
when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a Police Car
behind him, blue lights flashing.
“I can get away from him with no problem” thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 km/hr to escape being stopped.
Then he thought, What the hell am I doing? I’m too old for this kind of
thing” and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him.
The Policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and walked up on the driver’s
side.
“Sir, my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a good reason that I’ve never heard before as to why you
were speeding, I’ll let you go.”
The man looked back at the Policeman and said, “Last week my wife ran off with a Policeman and I thought you were bringing her back.”
The Policeman said, “Have a nice day, sir”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘Do you always answer a question with a question?’
Answer: Carnal Knowledge’! Jack Nicholson to Candace Bergen, who answers this question with yet another question: ‘Do you always date your best friend’s girlfriend?’
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘You know Terry, I had a pretty good time tonight. You picked me up, got some hard stuff, we saw a hold-up, and then we went to the canal, you got your car stolen. And then I got to watch you getting sick.’
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
In a small country town, some of the pets were confused about their identities. 20% of the cats thought they were dogs while 20% of the dogs thought they were cats. The local veterinarian psychiatrist took a survey and found that 40% of all the cats and dogs thought they were cats. What percentage of all the cats and dogs were really cats?
ANSWER: Let there be x cats and y dogs.
80% of x + 20% of y = 40%(x+y)
40% of x = 20% of y
2x = y
The number of dogs is double the number of cats.
Say there are 100 cats and 200 dogs. 33 1/3% of all of the animals are really members of the meow generation!
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
A man worked for a high-security institution, and one day he went in to work only to find that he could not log in to his computer terminal. His password wouldn’t work. Then he remembered that the passwords are reset every month for security purposes. So he went to his boss and they had this conversation:
Man-“Hey boss, my password is out of date.”
Boss-“Yes, that’s right. The password is different, but if you listen carefully you should be able to figure out the new one: It has the same amount of letters as your old password, but only four of the letters are the same.”
Man: “Thanks boss.”
With that, he went and correctly logged into his station.
What was the new password?
BONUS: What was his old password?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 
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