WELCOME to Tuesday January 7, 2014. ..
In a Bangkok temple:
“IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER,
IF DRESSED AS A MAN.”
Cocktail lounge , Norway:
“LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.”
Doctor’s office, Rome:
“SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.”
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
“DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.”
In a Nairobi restaurant:
“CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.”
On a poster in Kenya:
“ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.”
On an Athi River highway (this is the main road to Mombasa) leaving Nairobi .
“TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.”
In a City restaurant :
“OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.”
A notice seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
“DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.”
In a cemetery:
“PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY
BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.”
A Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations:
“GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER
DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.”
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
“OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.”
In a Tokyo bar:
“SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.”
Hotel, Yugoslavia :
“THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB
OF THE CHAMBERMAID.”
Hotel, Japan :
“YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.”
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
“YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.”
A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:
“IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ON UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.”
Hotel, Zurich:
“BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.”
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
“WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN A*s?”
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
“GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.”
In a Swiss mountain inn:
“SPECIAL TODAY – NO ICE-CREAM.”
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
“WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.”
A laundry in Rome:
“LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Great Tuesday and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate. Woody Allen
Another such victory, and we are undone. Pyrrhus
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. Groucho Marx
Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. Mae West
As the poet said, “Only God can make a tree” – probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. Woody Allen
Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs. Oliver Goldsmith
Avoid employing unlucky people. Throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
David Brent
Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
Homer Simpson
Basically my wife was immature. I’d be in my bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.
Woody Allen
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas. She’s down to her last $50.
Exasperated, she exclaims, “What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?”
A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, “I don’t know… Why don’t you play your age?” He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned. He asks, “What happened? Is she all right?”
The operator replies, “I don’t know. She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up, then she just fainted!”
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘He’s the only person I know who feels better when he’s sick.’
Answer: ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’
Ferris is describing his troubled friend Cameron.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???‘I’ve got it; the pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle, and the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true, right?’ ‘Right, but there’s been a change. They broke the chalice from the palace, and replaced it with a flagon with a figure of a dragon.’ ‘Did you put the pellet with the poison in the vessel with the pestle?’ ‘No, the pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with a dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.’
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
On a hot summer day by a lake you are determined to build a boat made of ice, using a refrigeration unit and a large mold in which you can pour water. Nearby you notice an Egyptian mummy resting on a pile of wood pulp. What is the best strategy for building an ice boat that will not melt before you sail it across the lake?
ANSWER: Forget about the mummy. Add the wood pulp to the water and freeze the mixture. The resulting solid, called pykrete, will have incredibly useful properties. For example, several decades ago Geoffrey Nathaniel Pyke (1894-1948) showed that the frozen mixture was extremely hard to break and very slow to melt. If a ship were made of pykrete, it would be unsinkable; torpedoes could hit it and do little damage. Pykrete has a crush resistance of greater that 3,000 pounds per square inch. A 1-inch column of pykrete can support an automobile. The wood pulp also makes the pykrete extremely stable at high temperatures. If a .303 caliber bullet is fired at the pykrete, it will penetrate only 6.5 inches. The United States and Canada were so impressed with the idea of assembling pykrete warships that a 60-foot-long, 1,000-ton pykrete ship was built in one month on a Canadian lake and never melted through the hot summer.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
What others do laterally I do upright.
My namesakes have run races but I don’t compete, alright?
My cousins are dragons but not a lizard be,
I do one thing that all men can’t so what can I be?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 
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