WELCOME to Wednesday March 12, 2014.
A New Language…
The Atlanta School Board has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer pipeline through Washington, DC, by designating Southern slang, or “Hickphonics”, as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this language would be a Hickphone. The following are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:
HEIDI (noun). Greeting.
HIRE YEW (complete sentence). Remainder of greeting.
Usage: “Heidi, hire yew?”
BARD (verb). Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow”.
Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck”.
JAWJUH (noun). The state north of Florida. The capitol is Lanner.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck”.
BAMMER (noun).The state west of Jawjuh. The capitol is Berminhayum.
Usage: “A tornader jes went through Bammer an’ lef $20,000,000.00 in improvements”.
MUNTS (noun). A calendar division.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, an I ain’t herd from him in munts”.
THANK (verb). Ability to cognitively process.
Usage: “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare”.
BARE (noun). An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops an yeast.
Usage: “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare”.
IGNERT (adj). Not smart. See “Arkansas native”.
Usage: “Them Bammer boys sure is ignert!”
RANCH (noun). A tool used for tight’nin’ bolts.
Usage: “I thank I lef my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago”.
ALL (noun). A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: “I sure hope my brother from jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck”.
FAR (noun). A conflagration.
Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the all in my pickup truck, that thing’s gonna catch far”.
TAR (noun). A rubber wheel, or a tall monument.
Usage: “Lord willing’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tar in Paris sometime”.
RETARD (verb). To stop working.
Usage: “My granpaw retard at age 65”.
FAT (noun, verb) A battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.
Usage: “You younguns keep fat’n, n’ ah’m gonna whup y’uh”.
RATS (noun). Entitled power or priviledge.
Usage: “We Southerners are willing’ to fat for are rats”.
FARN (adj). Not local.
Usage: “I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed . . . mus’ be from som farn country”.
DID (adj). Not alive.
Usage: “He’s did, Jim”.
EAR (noun). A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen.
Usage: “He cain’t breathe . . . give ‘im some ear!”
BOB WAR (noun). A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence”.
JEW HERE (noun & verb contraction)
Usage: “Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump’ny?”
HAZE (a contraction)
Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah . . . haze ignert. He aint’ thanked but a minnit ‘n ‘is laf”.
SEED (verb) Past tense of “to see”.
VIEW (contraction; verb & pronoun)
Usage: “I ain’t never seed New York City . . . view?”
GUMMIT (noun). A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: “Them gummit boys shore is ignert”.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
Jimmy Fallon, reading a rebuttal from “Sam I Am” to Sarah Palin after she rewrote Dr. Seuss’s “Green Eggs and Ham” to criticize Obamacare: “I do not like the speech you spoke, The speech you spoke was quite a joke, I found your words were lacking taste, You first hit copy and then hit paste, I would not like this on a beach, So next time write your own darn speech.”
“The Conservative Political Action Conference is still going on down in Washington, D.C. And yesterday, Donald Trump was giving a speech, when he accidentally referred to former President Jimmy Carter – who’s still very much alive – as ‘the late, great Jimmy Carter.’ Trump immediately apologized, and then said, ‘He wasn’t THAT great.'” –Jimmy Fallon
“Another big story is the ongoing situation in Ukraine, which has caused a lot of tension between the U.S. and Russia. But get this — NASA has announced that it will continue to work with Russia’s space program, even though the Pentagon has severed ties with the Russian military. When asked why, scientists from both sides were like, ‘Because we’re building a robot army, umm – ER – nothing.'” –Jimmy Fallon
“The College Board says it’s revamping the SAT to focus more on what students will need in college. In fact, the SAT is now just one question: ‘How much money do your parents have?'” –Jimmy Fallon
“The other night, President Obama was paying tribute to Aretha Franklin when he messed up the spelling of her iconic song ‘Respect.’ President Obama blamed his speech coach, John Travolta.” –Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A boy answers the phone. The caller asks, “Where are your parents?”
“They ain’t here!”
“Come on, son. Where’s your grammar?”
“My gramma ain’t here neither. She’s gone to church!”
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘I’ve applied for early admission to Oxford and the Sorbonne. Harvard is my safety.’
Answer: Rushmore! Written by Wes Anderson.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘He’s out. And you’re out too. And I don’t think I’m in either. No gang!’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
For those of you who never played Might and Magic (a computer game), the Vowel-less Knights would always say something without vowels. It was up to you, the player, to figure out what they were saying. In their tradition, what are these famous quotes?
1) Spk sftl nd crr bg stck.
2) gv hm th whl nn yrds!
3) Nvr hv s fw gvn s mch fr s mn.
ANSWER: 1) Speak softly and carry a big stick.
Bonus: Theodore Roosevelt.
2) I gave him the whole nine yards!
Bonus: Fighter pilots would say this when they shot all 27 feet of ammunition at one target.
3) Never have so few given so much for so many.
Bonus: Winston Churchill, praising the British fighter pilots who won the Battle of Britain.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
A Triple is a Series with 6 sets, each with 3 numbers apiece. The relationship between the first two numbers is the same throughout all of the sets, and the relationship between the last two numbers is also the same, however, it is different than the first relationship. Try and find the missing numbers:
2 5 10
3 10 20
4 17 34
5 __ __
_ 37 __
_ __ 100
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD FOR SOLVING TUESDAY’S QUIZZLER OF THE DAY! GREAT SOLVING JOB KIM! 
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 
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