WELCOME to Thursday March 13, 2014.
If you’re not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he’s the famous erudite scientist who once said:
“I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.”
His mind sees things differently than most of ours do, to our amazement, and amusement.
Here are some of his gems:
-I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
-Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
-Half the people you know are below average.
-99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
-A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
-A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
-If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
-All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
-The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
-I almost had a psychic girlfriend… but she left me before we met.
-OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
-How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
-If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
-Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
-When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
-Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
-Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
-I intend to live forever… So far, so good.
-Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
-If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her
way back.” –Henny Youngman
“I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.”
–Eddie Izzard
“I’ve known what it is to be hungry, but I always went right to a restaurant.”
–Ring Lardner
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Cards You Will Never See In Hallmark……….
1. “Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.”
2. “How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?”
3. “I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.”
4. “I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you.”
5. “If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it’s your sister.”
6. “Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would like to take this knife out of my back. You’ll probably need it again.”
7. “When we were together, you always said you’d die for me. Now that we’ve broke up, I think it’s time you kept your promise.”
8. “Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?”
9. “Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday —so we’re having you put to sleep.”
10. “Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!” (available only in Arkansas)
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘He’s out. And you’re out too. And I don’t think I’m in either. No gang!’
Answer: Bottle Rocket! Written by Wes Anderson and Owen Wilson who also wrote ‘The Royal Tenenbaums’.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘It’s the truth that you should never trust anybody who wears a bow tie. Cravats are supposed to point down to accentuate the genitals. Why’d you wanna trust somebody whose tie points out to accentuate his ears?’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
A Triple is a Series with 6 sets, each with 3 numbers apiece. The relationship between the first two numbers is the same throughout all of the sets, and the relationship between the last two numbers is also the same, however, it is different than the first relationship. Try and find the missing numbers:
2 5 10
3 10 20
4 17 34
5 __ __
_ 37 __
_ __ 100
ANSWER: 2 5 10
3 10 20
4 17 34
5 26 52
6 37 74
7 50 100
Relationship for first two numbers: square it, add 1 (2 squared=4, 4+1=5)
Relationship for last two numbers: double it (5 doubled = 10)
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Sam and Lisa live in a city in Nevada, USA, whose streets run perfectly north-to-south and east-to-west. They are at the intersection of Harrison Street, which is north-south, and Jefferson Street, which is east-west. They are both walking to an intersection that is a few blocks east and a few blocks south from where they are now. They both take direct routes, using only two streets each (and therefore making only one turn each), but Sam takes Harrison Street while Lisa takes Jefferson Street. Assuming that neither encounters any obstacles, and that the turns take the same distance to complete, is there any reason why Sam’s path or Lisa’s path could be considered longer than the other’s?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 
The World According to the Eucman! 