WELCOME to Friday March 14, 2014.
C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors,” and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me, I’ll just be a second.”
A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, “Get out now. You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”
Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: “You’re looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel.
Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“It’s been very tense between Russia and us recently. In fact, lawmakers in Russia have started a petition to get the U.S. kicked out of this year’s World Cup. Or they could just take the easier route and wait until we lose in the first round to literally any other country.” –Jimmy Fallon
“New reports show that the Crimean vote to join Russia on Sunday did not include an option for ‘no.’ There were only two boxes on the ballot, one for ‘yes,’ and one for ‘murder my family.'” –Seth Meyers
“It looks like Obamacare will miss its enrollment goal of 7 million people by March 31, as only 4 million have signed up so far. Republicans haven’t been this excited since the invention of khakis.” –Seth Meyers
“Today President Obama went shopping at The Gap. There hasn’t been so much security at The Gap since the time Lindsey Lohan showed up.” –David Letterman
“Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are back together. Finally, Obama makes good on a campaign promise.” –David Letterman
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
An old man finally gets the sports car of his dreams and decides to go for a drive and see what his new car can do. He’s letting loose on the highway, when police lights and sirens turn on right behind him. He looks at his speed and notices he’s doing 100, so he presses on the gas increasing it to 110, presses a little harder increasing his speed to 120. Finally he decides “I’m to old for this” and pulls over. When the cop reaches his window he says “look old man, I’ve got 30 minutes left in my shift and it’s Friday,if you give me a good excuse I’ve never heard before, I’ll give you a warning”. The old man thinks for a sec, and replies “3 years ago my wife left me for a police officer, I thought you were bringing her back”, to which the cop replied, “have a good day sir!”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘It’s the truth that you should never trust anybody who wears a bow tie. Cravats are supposed to point down to accentuate the genitals. Why’d you wanna trust somebody whose tie points out to accentuate his ears?’
Answer: State and Main! Spoken by the character Doc Wilson who is always dispensing shaky medical advice to the townspeople. This movie also stars Phillip Seymour Hoffman, William H. Macey, Alec Baldwin, Julia Stiles, and Sarah Jessica Parker.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘Well, whatever you do, however terrible, however hurtful, it all makes sense doesn’t it, in your head. You never meet anybody that thinks they’re a bad person.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Sam and Lisa live in a city in Nevada, USA, whose streets run perfectly north-to-south and east-to-west. They are at the intersection of Harrison Street, which is north-south, and Jefferson Street, which is east-west. They are both walking to an intersection that is a few blocks east and a few blocks south from where they are now. They both take direct routes, using only two streets each (and therefore making only one turn each), but Sam takes Harrison Street while Lisa takes Jefferson Street. Assuming that neither encounters any obstacles, and that the turns take the same distance to complete, is there any reason why Sam’s path or Lisa’s path could be considered longer than the other’s?
ANSWER: Sam’s route could be considered SLIGHTLY longer, though for practical purposes, the difference is negligible. Sam heads south first before heading east. Being in the Northern Hemisphere, this means that he is going closer to the Equator, where the latitude of the Earth is increased, before making the lateral component of the trip.
The effect can be made dramatically more recognizable and relevant if you imagine extremely long north-south and east-west roads. Consider a case in which you are beginning halfway between the North Pole and the Equator, and your destination is on the Equator, 1/4 of the way around the Earth laterally. The north-south component will be equal no matter which of the two routes you take. However, the east-west component must take you 1/4 of the way around the Earth in each route, which is much less halfway between the pole and the Equator, than at the Equator. Of course, no grid of roads large enough for this to be an issue exists, but it is true to a slight degree.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Some people’s names (such as “Will Power”) suggest a certain personality or career choice. Given below are some last names and professions (in no particular order). For each last name, your task is to think of a common first name, such that it suggests one of the given professions. Each last name and profession must be used just once.
Example: Sonny Day would suggest a meteorologist.
Last Names: Burr, Lee, Oakey, Poole, Schauer, Shaw
Professions: Biologist, Cabdriver, Farmer, Lumberjack, Meteorologist, Singer
The hint provides the first names.
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 
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