“Absolutely nothing new has happened with the missing plane. It is astounding how they continue to report ‘news’ even though they have zero information,

although, it never stopped Fox News.” –Bill Maher

“Fox News, they may be a little biased, we had an earthquake here on Monday and they reported that the Earth’s crust was emboldened by Obama’s weakness.” –Bill Maher

“First lady Michelle Obama and her daughters Sasha and Malia are visiting China for the next week and the president said the White House feels very lonely without them. Then he said, looking around, ‘OK, I think they bought it. Time for some March Madness, baby. Let’s do it!'” –Jimmy Fallon

“This week scientists revealed that a massive solar blast narrowly missed the Earth back in 2012. Or as the Mayans put it, ‘Almost told you so.'” –Jimmy Fallon

There was an old man whose family could no longer afford to take care of him. So the family decided that a nusring for the aged would be appropriate.

Of course the old man rejected the idea, but no sooner he was convinced that it was the right thing to do. On his first day at the home, he spent most of his time laying in bed reflecting on life, feeling lonely. A while later, an orderly stopped by to seee how the old man’s first day was going.

“How you doing today?”, she said to the old man, “First day I see”. The Old man replied with a nod.

In no time the two began talking up a storm. As the conversation began to drag on, the orderly was eyeing the room filled with fresh flowers, cards and balloons from friends and relatives. She noticed a bowl full of peanuts sitting on top of the table next to the bed, and help herself to a handful.

As the two continued to converse with each other, the orderly kept eating more helpings of the peanuts. She look at her watch and noticed that nearly 2 hours had passed and said, “My goodness, the time has gone by quickly. I have to tend to other people here too.” “That’s okay.”, said the old man, “I feel so much better being able to talk to someone.” Looking into the bowl the orderly said, “I feel awful! I ate almost all of your peanuts!” The old man responded, “That’s okay. Ever since I got these false teeth, all I could do was suck the chocolate off of them anyhow.”