WELCOME to Friday May 9, 2014.
A Woman’s Dictionary
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes, when pulled over by a policeman.
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs, when you’re right, but he just hasn’t realized it yet.
Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v. To go to the cash machine and hit “inquire”.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes,
diced the onions, marinated the meat, and cleaned everything up, but he “made the dinner”.
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a pound of
M&M chocolate covered peanuts.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone, who is able to create a style, you will never be able to duplicate again. See also “Magician”.
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space…if he goes in, he isn’t coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, “Focus…breath…push…Good Girl!”
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear.
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, “to go somewhere and neck”. After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also “tranquilizers”.
Valentine’s Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day ,when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off, if you try to remove it.
Zillion (zil*yen) n. The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself anyway.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Friday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“A new study shows that teens who mix alcohol and marijuana are more likely to have a bad driving record. Also, you can take out the word ‘driving’ and replace it with anything.” -Seth Meyers
“The United States used to make all the steel for the world. But here’s what we do now. In Chicago, a restaurant came up with something called a wonut: a combination waffle and donut. They’ve been working on it at the University of Chicago for years.” -Dave Letterman
“There’s a new trend of people calling ‘Find My iPhone’ to confront thieves who have stolen their iPhone. They use the app ‘Find My iPhone’ to find the thief. And this explains the app called ‘Find My Stupid Friend Who Went After the Criminal Who Stole My iPhone.’ Way to get murdered.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
The day I immigrated to the United States, I was given an alien ID card that featured a cute photo of me at age 15. Years later, when I went to the courthouse to become a citizen, a clerk confiscated my card.
“What will you do with it?” my wife asked.
“We burn it,” was the answer.
“Could you please cut the photo off and let us keep it?” asked my wife.
“Certainly not,” said the clerk. “This card is official U.S. government property. As such it cannot be mutilated before it’s destroyed.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘What are you gonna do, bleed on me?’
Answer: Monty Python and the Holy Grail! This is an excellent, but odd movie. You either LOVE it or HATE it, there is no in between. The quote was said to the Black Knight as they are trying to pass across the bridge.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this
quote from??? ‘How does it feel to be stuffed like a turkey?’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
One by one we fall from heaven,
Down into the depths of past
And our world is ever upturned
So that yet some time we’ll last.
Answer: Sand in an hourglass
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Unscramble the words below, then take the letters from each word as instructed to form another word that is the answer to this teaser:
TLEM – Take letters 1,2 & 4
ELTA – Take letters 1 & 3
MSURT – Take letter 1
HMEYR – Take letters 2 & 3
Unscramble the letters you collected… what do you get?
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org. http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.wcscatering.com. http://www.Eucman.freedom10.com, 
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