WELCOME to Tuesday, July 1, 2014.
Funny Tale of a Lost Senior Citizen………………
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He told me, ‘I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.’ I continued, ‘Well, then why are you crying?’ He added, ‘She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.’ I said, ‘Well, why are you crying?’ He said, ‘For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.’ I inquired, ‘Well then, why in the world would you be crying?’ He replied, ‘I can’t remember where I live.’
The Silly, Hilarious and Funny Side of Do It Yourself…
Rosie Hall buys a self-assembly, flat-pack, cupboard from her local Homebase store. Reaching home Rosie reads the instructions carefully, counts the pieces then assembles the cupboard in the bedroom. It looks really great and she is delighted.
Now, Rosie lives near a railway line and as the train passes by the cupboard collapses. Undaunted by this misfortune she re-reads the instructions and reassembles the cupboard. Once more, another train passes and the whole cupboard collapses again.
Rosie now frustrated and thinking that she must have done something “wrong” re-re-reads the instructions and re-re-assembles the cupboard. Shortly, a train passes and the whole cupboard collapses yet again for the 3rd time.
Rosie is now fed up, cross and rather angry so she ‘phones the customer service department. She is told that this is quite impossible and that they’ll send along a fitter to take a look. Funny Short Stories
The fitter arrives and assembles the cupboard. Again, a train passes and the cupboard collapses. Completely baffled by this unexpected event, the fitter decides to reassemble the cupboard and sit inside it to see whether he can find out what causes the cupboard to collapse. At this point, Rosie’s husband comes home, sees the cupboard and says, ‘Oh, that’s a splendid looking cupboard,’ and he opens it to look inside.
The fitter, who had been wondering how to explain his position in Rosie’s bedroom cupboard, blurts out, ‘You probably won’t believe me, but I’m standing here waiting for a train.’
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
QUOTES OF THE DAY
“A Connecticut woman was arrested after she sent her son to school with a grenade for his World War II-related show and tell. Though I’d say the school was asking for trouble when they planned a World War II-related show and tell.” -Seth Meyers
“During the World Cup, Uruguay is playing Italy and one of their players bites an Italian player. FIFA, the world soccer governing body, says the guy who did the biting has to wear one of those dog cones for the rest of the tournament.” -Dave Letterman
“A man walked into McDonald’s with a knife in his back. Yeah, with a knife in his back. His heart wasn’t in danger until he ordered the food, said doctors.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to comment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.
After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, “If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?”
Without looking up from his paper my husband replied, “About 10 years.”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?
What movie is this quote from??? ‘We regret to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid.’
Answer: Top Gun! This quote is said by Goose when they are at Top Gun.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this
quote from??? ‘…how’s your wife and my kids?’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each answer to the clue comprises six (6) letters. Each 6-letter word differs by only one (1) letter, which I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided. The order of the letters do not change.
Example: Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify Answer: E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E
1. Confuse R _ _ _ _ _ / C _ _ _ _ _ Bovines
2. Invent _ _ _ _ T _ / _ _ _ _ S _ Furrow
3. Endured _ A _ _ _ _ / _ I _ _ _ _ Tilted
4. Joking _ _ N _ _ _ / _ _ R _ _ _ Bargain
Answer: 1. Rattle Cattle 2. Create Crease 3. Lasted Listed 4. Banter Barter
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Which phrase from group B belongs with the words in group A?
Group A
Lonely
Patent
Canines
Freighter
Artwork
Group B
Local Election
News Event
Tax Return
Brainy Teaser
Play Date
Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com. https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org., http://www.wcscatering.com. 
The World According to the Eucman! 