by eucman

Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday, July 15, 2014.    

  
Tuesday Puns…….. 
 
Never trust atoms, they make up everything.
 
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.  All I did was take a day off.
 
Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Crooks.
 
Is google a woman? Because it won’t let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.
 
I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
 
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera. 
 
After kissing a girl in back of the gym for several hours I said, “You know, this isn’t working out.”
 
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. 
 
I can hear music coming out of my printer. I think the paper’s jammin’ again.
 
I’m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I’m outstanding.
 
I’m trying to think of a Miley Cyrus joke but its not twerking.
 
A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got my shelf to blame. 
 
The good thing about dating a blind girl is that you don’t have to worry about her seeing anybody.
 
what do you call a fake noodle? an IMPASTA!
 
I dropped my burger on the floor. Now it’s ground beef.
 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!  Peace I am outta here, Eucman!  
 
QUOTES OF THE DAY   
“A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.”
Steven Wright
“Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?”
Phyllis Diller
“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’”
Claude Pepper
“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.”
Winston Churchill
“The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.”
Natalie Wood
“I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.”
Bertrand Russell
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  

A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:

 

“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?

 

The sailor said no to all his questions.

 

Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.

 

After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?

 

The professor said no.

 

Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology. 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ How much movie trivia can you answer?

What movie is this quote from???  ‘‘Then you don’t deserve her.’
  
Answer: Ever After! This quote is DaVinci talking to the Prince about Danielle. 
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this 
quote from???  ‘Man goes in the cage, cage goes in the salsa. Shark’s in the salsa. Our shark.’
 
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
This deadly 8-letter word can really “put people in a frenzy,” and for very good reason. If you drop letter 1 and order the rest of the letters like so [8745623], then you get exactly what the word can do. So, if you are affected by it, you had better get a good [65478], or you could be taking a very long [321]!
Answer: PANDEMIC! DEM is a Greek root for people. A (PAN- [DEM] -IC) puts people (DEM) in a frenzy (PANIC).
[8745623] = CIDE MAN  Cide is a Latin root for kill. A pandemic “kills mankind.”  And of course…if you contract the disease, you need a good [65478] = MEDIC, or you may take a long [321] = NAP (death). 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
The Agents of F.C.I. have amusing anagrams to match their characteristics, for example, AGENT SOUL, whose name anagrams to LANGOUSTE, likes seafood.
 
Try to determine the Anagrams for the following Agents.
 
AGENT DEE is very young.
 
AGENT YIP specializes in Pharaohs and Sphinxes.
 
AGENT MIC has attractive abilities.
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Look for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.   https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/ LINKS2 CHECK OUT: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org., http://www.wcscatering.com. Emoji

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